Monday, May 12, 2025
On doing enough
Monday, May 5, 2025
I thought the deluge of friends leaving the faith might slow down in my thirties, but it has not. Whereas in my twenties I felt a conviction that many of these souls would return after some time in the desert, in my thirties I am less sure.
I don't wish to generalize about people's reasons for leaving. There are many. They are painful. I think I can even say they are legitimate. It is a little bit like hearing about your friend's divorce; you don't wish it for them, but when it happens, it is not your job to comment on how it happened, only to comfort. (Also like hearing about your friend's divorce, privately you look at your own life and wonder, will it happen to me?)
One of my favorite praise songs when I was a youth was Hillsong's "None But Jesus." It echos the sentiment of Peter in John 6:68, a verse that has been my source of faith for many years, "To whom shall we go? Only You have the words of life." Truthfully, I don't usually enjoy the worship sets at the church we attend, but I was surprised this Sunday when we sang "None But Jesus" and the corporate participation brought me to tears.
Singing that song I remembered praise nights in the sanctuary of my church growing up, I remembered kneeling at a wooden cross at the YWAM base in San Francisco, I remembered lifting hands in a stadium of 16,000 other people at Urbana, I remembered crying myself to sleep in my bed as a teen. So many flashes of what my faith meant to me then, and how Jesus was near to my heart.
For many of my peers who have since let go of their faith, these kinds of flashbacks are bitter for them. Things look different for them looking back without the filter of faith. They remember feeling controlled, manipulated. The words are dry. The music is parched. I can understand a little, I think, because I have had seasons where I have felt something similar.
But in that moment, for me, I was struck by what a gift it is to have these memories to minister to my heart. The investments of my parents, my youth leaders, ministry leaders, prayer warriors, my own investments, they were deposits in my bank of faith that are continuing to nourish my heart in times of sadness, frustration, and distance. What mercy this is!