I noticed this morning that I have spider veins on my thighs. So I looked up the causes of spider veins online today: "Use of oral contraceptives, certain cosmetic applications, issues relating to pregnancy or obesity are among the common causes when we consider spider vein occurrence in women." Um. No? Smoking, alcohol, and sun exposure are other reasons that also have no application to my life. It seems the source of my spider veins is my genes; it was nothing that I did to be blessed with these, it appears that I was just born with them. It's like God doesn't like me very much or something.
The kicker is, I don't really mind that much that I have spider veins. What leads me to joke that God must not like me very much is the spider veins plus the acne and the scoliosis and the kyphosis and the poor eyesight and the perpetually shiny face. I can live with the color of my eyes and the shape of my face and the texture of my hair and the crookedness of my teeth. I can get over the fact that I'm not athletic, or a good speller, or I have a sickly skin tone. That I'm a bad driver and just a little socially awkward. My character flaws may get me down, but the stuff I was born with doesn't usually bother me. My character is something Christ has freed me to change, but I can't help the way I look!
So, I mean, I never used to worry about it. Actually, I never really had body image problems at all in high school. Maybe they're catching up to me now, as I'm realizing that I've stopped growing and this is the physical prime of my life. How am I going to get a husband?! Just kidding.
But I wonder, why did God make me this way? One or even two of these physical issues would have been reasonable, but He had to make me with all of them. Isn't that overkill? Shouldn't we spread out the eye problems and back problems and skin problems through the population a little bit? Maggie and Sarah were shocked to hear me say all this of course. "You weren't born with leprosy, be thankful for that!" And I am. Though at least with leprosy I might experience what real suffering is like, and become more like Jesus because of it. There's really no suffering involved with spider veins. So I mostly feel pathetic for complaining.
I don't think that I'm discontent, not really. I just feel there ought to be a telos to it all. I want to be comforted by a purpose in it. Is it part of God's cosmic plan that I wear long pants and glasses and take acne medicine and have a hunched back? Oh man. It's moments like these that I realize I'm so incredibly vain.
In other news, I bought some bermuda shorts today!
4 comments:
Hmm.
I've never thought of you as someone with physical "issues." I think this post made me turn things around in mind a little differently.
I can't decide if I should post this. (and by that I mean I took a long time thinking before I decided to post this)
I don't know what to tell you.
I'll just say that. This makes me thankful for being blessed as I am.
I'm beginning to realize I was probably the only person who found this amusing, and it mostly made everyone else feel awkward? I feel kind of badly about that.
I should clarify, I don't know why God makes people the way He does, but I'm learning the irony in Isaiah 45: "Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’ Woe to the one who says to a father, ‘What have you begotten?’"
HA!! I struggle with the same thing!! It's like Tevye sang, except a little different. "Would it spoil some vast eternal plan if I were a lovely woman?!" (Hold out the last note please. It's more legit that way.)
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