Formerly A&A
Monday, July 17, 2023
Bodily Function TMI
Monday, June 26, 2023
'Tis so sweet to trust in JesusJust to take Him at His WordJust to rest upon His promiseJust to know, "Thus saith the Lord"O for grace to trust Him more
Tuesday, March 28, 2023
Toughening Up
Last night Peter and I watched a sample birthing class where the instructor taught a hypnobirthing technique for pain management. I am considering a natural birth because of my fear of needles (and forget about needles in my freaking spine!), so I have been watching a lot of birthing stories and reading a lot of blog posts about how to cope with a natural birth. Ironically, what I have found has not inspired a lot of self-confidence.
On Sunday, Peter and I also attempted a 60 second cold shower on the advice of Dr. Andrew Huberman and I was appalled by how challenging that was for me. I joked before I got in that this would be a coaching tool for natural birth, practicing relaxing through discomfort for the approximate duration of a contraction. I regretted drawing the comparison almost immediately. I finished the 60 seconds feeling demoralized. It was so hard! And that was only cold! Not pain!
So when our birthing class instructor told us to grab some ice, I knew what was coming. As I squeezed the ice cube in my palm, I did my best to go to Station 18 1/2 at Sullivan's Island beach. I tried to remember dodging the jellyfish as I ran, I tried to remember watching the freight coming in and out of the harbor, I tried to remember sitting in the shallows while it thundered and lightning, I tried to remember hiding my frose in the sand . . . but I couldn't go there. I was sitting on my couch with little stabs of cold shooting up my arm. Meanwhile Peter was on the side of me radiating bliss. "I'm in Hawaii!"
It's been a while since I have embraced physical discomfort. Marathon training is a well I go back to as I try to hype myself up for what my body can do, but the truth is that it's been months since I've been on a really good run. Even the road race we did last spring was a struggle, not triumphant. The nausea of the first trimester felt intolerable, unbearable--I slept during the day, something I hate doing, just to get some escape from it. I even stopped taking the stairs! (I am back on my stairs-only wagon now, but it is so much harder than it once was!)
I feel like a weaker, softer version of myself. I don't think of myself as a mentally tough or particularly disciplined person, but I thought I was stronger than this! I thought I could power through the feeling of my body quitting on me, but I remember that it took two marathons, not one, and hours and hours of training to be fit enough to do that, and it was still really, really hard. I used to be able to smell the salt coming off Shem's Creek and the sugar drifting out of the praline shop, but now when I need those memories, they are out of reach and all that is in front of me is the unpleasantness, discomfort, and pain.
And if you are thinking I sound dramatic right now, I would tell you I am not being dramatic enough. If I feel this way now, how am I supposed to handle it when I actually do feel like my insides are being ripped apart??? Feels like it might be more realistic to mentally train to cope with an epidural than mentally train to cope with a natural labor.
The one thing that comforts me: I still have time to prepare. I have time to prepare my body physically with walking, and stairs, and strength training, and endurance training, and raspberry leaf tea. I have time to prepare my mind to focus on the beach instead of the contractions. I can learn all the Lamaze breaths and the other hypnobirthing strategies and maybe even successfully meditate. I think I have a lot of cold showers ahead of me. (Today I cheated and only put my legs and arms in, and it STILL hurt!)
I tell myself this decision is about my fear of needles, but I think it is also about my desire to challenge myself, to feel accomplished. Of course, I think I will feel accomplished whichever way this baby gets out of me. I already feel accomplished. Hayley 10 years ago thought she would never be able to tolerate the discomfort and indignities of hosting a person inside her body. Yet here I am. And Hayley of 10 years ago is still with me in this ethos of chose the hard thing.
Wednesday, February 1, 2023
Monday, October 3, 2022
Loss
Wednesday, December 29, 2021
30 Books
- Station Eleven by Emily Mandel
- Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann
- Silver Sparrow by Tayari Jones
- The Jane Austen Society by Natalie Jenner
- I'll Be Seeing You by Elizabeth Berg
- The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo
- The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wrap Gregorie
- The Cold Millions by Jess Walter
- This Tender Land by William Kent Krueger
- The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis
- The Downstairs Girl by Stacey Lee
- The Making of Biblical Womanhood by Beth Allison Barr
- Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt
- Writers & Lovers by Lily King
- People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry
- Dream Big by Bob Goff
- Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
- Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren
- Sparks Like Stars by Nadia Hashimi
- The Other Black Girl by Zakiya Dalila Harris
- The River by Peter Heller
- Out of the Pocket by Kirk Herbstreit
- The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
- The Good House by Ann Leary
- Beach Read by Emily Henry
- Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler
- It's Better to Be Feared by Seth Wickersham
- Evicted by Matthew Desmond
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
- The Last Watchman of Old Cairo by Michael David Lucas
Monday, April 19, 2021
Many people seem to think that the process of political change through peaceful protest looks something like this: (1) People peacefully protest, (2) ?????, (3) Political change happens. In reality, it looks something closer to this: (1) People protest in a way the government is unable to ignore, (2) Protestors are unjustly beaten, teargassed, and shot at in a public setting by the government, (3) The general population witnesses the violence, becomes outraged, and sides with the protestors, (4) The government gives in to the people's demands on the threat of mass revolt.
Monday, March 1, 2021
Bits and bobs accomplished this Saturday.
I had ordered some hydraulic hinges for the bed frame on Amazon, and we had attempted to install them last week, but it was bumpy going. I was concerned that the ones I had chose just wouldn't work with our space and set up, but Peter is the ultimate problem-solver! He got those bad boys installed all by his selfie, and our bed opens (practically!) on its own now! Very sturdy. He shaved some more wood off the edges of the frame so they are not scraping against any of the walls. He also added trim along the edges of the frame so the mattress won't slide out.
In the bathroom, Peter attached quarter round in the shower wall seams. He added faux tile board to the side of the bench seat that meets the shelf under the window. And he started building the shelf under the window! Shower needs to be caulked and the drain secured, but it is really looking like a real shower.
We got the missing female elbow joint for finishing the plumbing for the shower distribution, and Peter finished installing that. He carved out some of the stud with the multitool so the elbow can sit securely in there. Reattached the outer wall and put wood putty over the screws, sanded, and it's ready for paint!
We tried to install the bathroom light. It is a 120v fixture, but we attempted to convert according to the instructions and, no dice. The wires are live, and the fixture worked when we tested it at my parents' house, so perhaps the problem is the bulb?
I busied myself with sanding: the last window frame is ready for its paint, and I patched some holes with Bondo now that it is warm enough for that. I took the knobs off of the window lifts so I can get the paint off those and get them shiny again. I opened up the Capt'n Tolley's to try sealing some rivets. Might try treating the windows with it, too. Weatherstripping and scouring the aluminum might be my next little project. Peter is the woodworking Michelangelo, so I need to find little prettiness projects.
We are going to try to get it inspected next week, so next Saturday will be for getting it up to snuff, e.g., attaching the belly pan in the back, checking the license plate light, tightening the lug nuts. I am hoping the inspection station will be able to give me a checklist. Once it passes inspection we should be able to get it registered! We are looking to move it to my parents' house by March 15.