Twenty-six. Working on a Sunday. Freelancing! Not running, due to an injury from going too hard too fast, because I am ever the idealist, not realistic about what is good for me in a given moment. Twenty-six, and my idealism is still at the root of problems I cause for myself: taking on too much, torturing myself with a fantasy world, shouldering the guilt in the disconnect from what I think I should be doing compared with what I'm actually doing.
But I hope my tone is not too cynical, because I have found deep comfort in growing older, being older. I enjoy how the good things in the past still trickle in to bless the present. I appreciate how even in the torrential changes, some things still stay the same. I am thankful for how each year is filled with new experiences, which enrich my capacity to empathize with and understand others. Life is baby steps. You have to celebrate each little bit of falling forward.
So twenty-five was good. I went to Vietnam. I graduated law school. I saw my best friends get married. I passed one state bar. I went to South Africa, and finally, FINALLY, London. I even made some new friends!
And twenty-six will be hard, but it will be good. I will learn how to be a professional in my field. I will learn how not to be a workaholic. I will learn how to do adult things like buy my own health insurance and plan for retirement and maybe even move out of my parents' house.
I will keep learning how to put others before myself and how to take up my cross daily to follow my Savior.
Growth takes time. But the years on earth go by so quickly, whereas perfection is for eternity.