I have been so happy. I wonder if it's the jar of Nutella in the cupboard downstairs, or the fact that Christian is visiting, or maybe I'm still on the missions trip high, or that my friends are still as wonderful as always. But I cannot give any of those things credit for the joy that's simmering inside. And despite being so happy, I've had a few low points. Seeing the evil in this world and realizing it's me, feeling the creeping cynicism seep into each aspect of my hopes for the future, looking my sin in the face, I can't help but spiral down into sadness. The stress that comes from laziness, the hurt that comes from hurting others, in a flicker I go from buoyancy to feeling heavy-hearted.
But God in all His mercy does not let me collapse into myself in my guilt, instead He turns the tables. I say, "God, oh, God, my sin!" He says, "My Son died." I say, "But God, my mistakes!" He says, "My Son rose again." I say, "I'm confused and I'm blind, God." He says, "Look at my glory." It is not about how I have failed and how I will fail, but about the God who fixes failures. The holy and faithful God of grace and justice. The God who is so good, we cannot understand the depth or reason of His goodness. He renews my spirit, gives me peace, fills my heart. And in an instant it is clear and simple. God is there, and God is good.
I have a lot of little things to be happy about. I have a lot of little things to be sad about, too. It doesn't matter, when my beautiful Savior fills my landscape I take joy in the only thing I see.