I miss your tea

I think about my former clients all the time. What is really fun about being a public defender in a rural county is you get to know people, not just the frequent fliers but also the places they go, the people they associate with, and the other things happening in their lives besides their court cases. It makes me feel like a townie in the best sense. 

A few weeks before I left, I paid bond on a case where I felt the bond determination was especially unfair. This was a kid who had never been to jail before, and a case with a high likelihood of dismissal, and so even though the clerk scoffed at my naïveté, I didn't lose sleep over it. After he was released from holding, he came to my office and sat at ALR's desk and cried and cried, and I worried about what would become of him. 

After I left the public defender's office, I checked in on the case once or twice, along with at least a dozen more, but eventually I forgot their names. Whenever I learned of a not-guilty in that county through the listserve, I would text my replacement congratulations, cheering for the outcomes he had been able to secure for my clients which I had not. I never learned what became of my sad sap, but I hoped he was safe.  

Well, today I got his bond payment back in the mail! His case number was printed on the check, but the case was not in the court portal. I spent a few minutes searching for the case but eventually gave up, presuming from the fact that the bond was even returned signaled that this was was dismissed and sealed like I expected it would be. But in the time spent perusing the names of defendants who came after I left, I found myself so saddened by how many names I recognized. This kid may have dodged a bullet, but many of my other frequent fliers had not. 

On our evening walk last night we saw a fist fight break out. There was a gaggle of adolescent boys, maybe 14 years old, huddled out front of the McDonalds. One of them ran a few paces away, turned back and squared up, and no word of a lie, the rest of them pig-piled on him. They were pulling his hair, yanking on his clothes, punching his chest and head. I watched helplessly, torn between wanting to intervene and not wanting to be responsible for escalation. 

Because we had been out walking, we knew there were two cops just 300 feet down the road, and as a car laid on its horn at the kids, I willed these dum-dums to break it out before they caught the attention of the police. I realized that was probably a perverted reaction--I should have wanted some kind of intervention for the poor kid getting wailed on, but I was worried about his assailants, too. 

I don't know why I root for the wrongdoers. Why it's easier for me to have compassion on the struggling criminals than the meritorious innocents. In my rural county it was a revolving door of people hurting people, one week a domestic violence victim, the next week a pants thief. All people unable to get out of their own way because of myriad factors, but most likely because of poverty, and most fundamentally because of sin. 

We are all sinners. We keep passing through the revolving door, of hurting others and being hurt. And strangely, that's not necessarily bad news, because it means we have (for now) escaped the ultimate accounting for our sin. Our God is slow to anger and withholding judgement to just give us a fighting chance at hope, redemption, righteousness, that we might be healed despite the brokenness we sustain. 

My clients, they suffer. Life has broken them even more than the criminal justice system might. I cheer when they avoid judgement for their actions not because I condone their wrongdoing but because I feel in their frustration and desperation that the natural consequences of brokenness in this world are already taking them to task. We sinners are getting what we deserve and also not getting what we deserve every day. And it's perverted to think that our communal suffering is a form of grace in motion, but also I want us all to know grace. 

(P.S. That bond payments are returned to payors via mail months after a case has been resolved does a terrible disservice to those who have no disposable income to be bailing out. I used to think bail bondsman were a scam, but now I get that it's better to be parted from your money forever for less than to shell out beaucoup bucks but have that money enslaved to the bureaucracy.)

Kicking butt and making frames

Airstream work took a pause in November because of our vacation and then Thanksgiving, but December has been an exciting month! First we moved our Airstream indoors--its first road trip in over 20 years. It was a fun premonition of prepping to move on trips to come: setting up the stabilizers with the tow hitch, checking the brakes and taillights, strapping everything down. We have not yet been baptized in the couple trials of coordinating trailer parking, but we got a foreshadowing. 

Having the trailer inside is even more of a value-add than I had expected. I'm not anxious about mice, bugs, water getting in. No more worrying about the battery freezing. No more dirt, sand, and mud getting all over our materials and tools. And when we have the space heater going, I am not freezing my buns off! Even though it's not in a convenient location, I am optimistic we will be able to make some strides thanks to the shelter. 

So, for example, we have framed in the bathroom walls. We used metal studs for the curved part of the wall, cutting triangles out every 8" or so to make the curve and riveting it to the skins. We used regular wood studs for the rest. Making sure the walls were square was tricky because nothing inside the trailer is square, but we adjusted the hitch and used a level. 

We had been storing the old walls since demo and finally they came in handy! First cut on the curve was perfect, we only had to do one more cut on the bottom. It was nice to have something go smoothly for once, haha! The inner-most wall is a bit of a puzzle because of the air conditioner and the back fan--we carved a diagonal slice out of the stud for clearance, but the plywood sheath on the walls should cover the carve out. We might notch it out altogether depending on how it looks as we polish it up. 

Yesterday we divided and conquered: Peter teamed up with Amanda to do the dry plumbing for the sink and shower, while Prudence and I tackled the bed frame. The sink and shower vents are in, as is the shower drain! Peter has also made a rough plan for the pee diversion to feed into the same drain line as the shower. The sink drain line is in place, but is obviously awaiting the sink itself. 

Working on the bed frame was a huge self-efficacy boost for me because usually I am the watcher/tool passer, but Prudence wouldn't let me get away with that. We used the pocket hole jig that Peter got for Christmas on some 1x1s and made a frame to anchor to the floor (as opposed to the walls) that the plywood base can rest on, above the electrical components box. (We used four (4) boards 77" long, twelve (12) boards 15" long with pocket screw holes each end to make two ladders, and then six (6) boards 29.5" to connect the ladders. Easy but satisfying!)

We left space at the "head" of the bed to build a cabinet for access to the drain and vent pipes running there. The "foot" of the bed will be pretty much flush with the street-side trailer wall. We will make one more "ladder" to support the far end of the bed, but we have to work around the back hatch and the battery, so we had to wait on the project manager before tackling that one. 

The outlets and overhead lights inside aren't working because of a short somewhere. At first this was a demoralizing discovery because installing the ceiling was a giant pain, and the thought of having to un-do and re-do it made me want to throw a temper-tantrum, but then Peter recalled a spark during the installation of the front end, so we are thinking maybe that's where the short is. Next time I think we will attempt to find/fix the short, and also add some wood framing to the air conditioner hole. Maybe build the seat for the shower and put down waterproof lining for all the places the drains run. 

For Christmas, Peter finally caved and said he will get me a mini wood stove, but it remains to be seen where it will go. We can avoid putting more holes in the ceiling by using the hole from the original stove exhaust vent hole. But we had Will run the propane so that the range can go in that spot. We had talked about switching the range to the street-side for weight distribution, but rerouting the propane may prove too intimidating. Anyway, Peter's love-motivated pro-wood stove gesture was as touching a Christmas sentiment as a person could want. ^_^

We have a ceiling!

Progress has slowed down a bit, in part to the loss of light and impending cold. Will installed some more lights for us, a city water intake, a drain valve, and he repaired our porch and overhead door light. Last thing he's slated to do for us is to rehab the taillights, and then I think it might be the end of his assistance for now. 

We discovered last month that one of the elders at my childhood church renovated a 2007 Airstream a few years ago. He had a lot of good ideas for waterproofing and it was fun to talk shop with him, but we also learned he was renting barn space and it sounds like a great option for getting some carpentry done during the winter! 

Speaking of carpentry, we built, insulated, and installed a wooden box over the wheel well. I am always so impressed with Peter's spacial reasoning and creative problem-solving. I thought making a box would be easy, but I was immediately overwhelmed by the most basic questions that I don't even have the language to even ask. When Peter works, I don't see the method in his madness, so part of me is a little skeptical, maybe even doubting, that he is seeing and addressing the problems I don't know how to work out. 

But then, voila! He creates something sturdy, lightweight, functional, and I am oh so impressed! 

We had snow one day, and when we arrived at the farm and stepped inside the trailer, I immediately saw all the condensation in the ceiling--even though it was freezing inside there, it was apparently still warmer than outside--so much water! There is no good solution to this, as far as my research reveals, but I continue my lobbying for a mini wood-burning stove. 

We set about the arduous task of putting the ceiling back in. We used zip ties threaded through holes Peter drilled in the ribs to hold wires in their indents and it was so refreshing to be able to walk the length of the trailer without getting whacked in the face by a wire! We riveted the ceiling panel tracks into place (omg, they look so terrible, I did not get anywhere near all the paint off them) and closed off our access to the wall wiring for good. Hopefully we ran wires to everything we need! 

In the walls we had used a layer of Reflectix against the skin, but after reading that this had no real effect without an air gap (except maybe as a vapor barrier) I was keen for an excuse to leave it out of the ceiling. The wires made insulating very cumbersome, and the spray glue we had was trash, so we had to work quickly. We enlisted Aidan to hold one end of the ceiling panel, I held the other end, and Peter put a few clecos around the skylight to hold the middle while he helped us push one side in place. Aidan and I pressed the panel against the center of the ceiling, while Peter worked to pop the other side into the rail. It went way smoother than I expected! 

One issue with doing a side bath is that the bathroom wall is likely to encroach on the part of the ceiling that will be covered by the air-con shroud. We attempted to ameliorate this some by moving the mounting bracket as far over to the opposite side as we could. We also installed the frames for the Fantastic Vents. We didn't cut them to follow the contour of the ceiling, so there was a gap in the center where the ceiling skin pulled away from the frame. We fixed the look of this by stuffing extra insulation in there to force the ceiling skin down to meet the frame. 

Last thing was to extend the vent pipe from the drain valve and then bolt the electrical components platform into place. Peter dry-fitted all the venting several weeks ago, but it was covered by a blanket of leaves and has disassembled itself with the passage of time. But plumbing is next! Maybe at a new location . . .

Primer & a turning point

Only a few hours put in this weekend. We sanded down all the bumps from the drips from last week's priming attempts. The paint was actually pretty thin, so the texture wasn't as bad as it looked and I was less mad at myself. Still, Peter did the rest of the painting because, well, he deserved a turn. 

We finished priming and also put a second coat on there. We also towed the Silverado out of the way so we could hitch the trailer to the F-150 and take it on a jaunt around the yard. Very cool to see it moving! Wheels, tires, axles, and shocks all seem to be functioning properly. We asked Will to bail us out with wiring the brakes and the tail lights, and we are thinking about towing it to a friend's house so it's a little closer for purposes of working on it through the winter. 

The ceiling is still not installed, in part to spare Will the aggravation when installing a few additional lights this week, but also it's just a pain. Maybe we are a little insecure, too. Last year we buttoned it up around November, but now that we are at the fun part it seems a shame to press pause for the winter again. 

Venting, plumbing, and framing are next. Wall and bed frames need to be built around the vents, so I guess vent pipes come first. Plumbing is our next summit. Also need to box and insulate the wheel wells. But it seems like there are a million other little tasks to occupy ourselves with. A little TLC for the windows, their fixtures, and their frames, replacing rusty external rivets, rehabbing the faded blue paint, addressing the red numbers and external stickers, creating a spare tire holder, sanding and painting the hitch, repairing the canopy, et cetera, et cetera. I feel a little overwhelmed, but luckily I'm not the project manager. ;) 

The amazing thing is, we have a portable camping shell with working lights and fans and propane, and even if we take our sweet time with the inside, it is so satisfying to have covered all this ground the past six months! 

OMG SOME PAINT YESSSSSS!

Rolled into our worksite just after 7am and got to work. Peter patched (1) around the back window, (2) a slot in the back wall where the shower was, (3) where the hot water heater was, (4) the original location of the outlet we moved, and (5) the fridge vent. He also made wooden mounting plates for our two new 12v outlets. He filled the tires to the appropriate PSI.

Then he turned his attention to a house projects, specifically, replacing the tiles in front of the fridge, which involved cutting away the rotted subfloor, fitting a thin plywood board to reinforce the floor, and laying tiles. (No grout or sealant because the tile mastic needed 72 hours to set.) 

I was on paint-prep duty. I finished sanding the walls, then I sanded the aluminum, then I washed the walls with TSP, then I wiped them down with water. I taped all the windows and fixtures over with newspaper, and then I used self-etching primer on the two end caps and aluminum patches. (It took 4 cans! Omg!) 

Like, it sounds like not a lot, but for some reason it took me like all day. 

I spent a little time looking around for the paint sprayer, but unable to locate it, so I left for a run with the sisters. When I got back, Peter had found the paint sprayer and was testing it with some old blue paint, but the sun had already set and the Alabama game was starting and it didn't seem to be working properly, so I thought, well, paint next weekend . . . 

But my husband is not to be deterred like that. He made our 3rd Home Depot run of the day (first, rivets, second, insulation and more self-etching primer, third, nozzle for paint sprayer) and we got to painting around 8pm. And actually the painting part itself took maybe 15 minutes. We didn't get enough primer! Probably some waste during the testing/unclogging portion, and then I sprayed it on too thick before I got the hang of it--I was so dismayed to see some dripping in some parts! The key is to hold it at least 14" from the wall, and to hold it sideways like you're a gangster about to fire a Glock semi in the movies. 

Next weekend, we will (1) sand down those drips and thick spots, (2) get the ceiling panel attached and (3) finishing priming. May we will just throw the final paint color on there, too, while everything's taped up? 

Concern

My husband read Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but it was before we were even dating, so I didn't get the benefit of his audible processing of the material. My friend turned sister-in-law* also read Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and she got to me first with this message:

We each have a circle of concern and a circle of influence. If we focus on our circle of concern, our anxiety and powerlessness will expand until we are so immobilized that our circle of influence shrinks. Conversely, if we focus on our circle of influence, it will continue to expand until we have more control over the things that concern us. 

This blew my mind. 

Because how often have I dreamed of hiding away from it all? Just finding myself a spot of earth in the middle of nowhere, so I could live simply and quietly, not hurt anyone and not be hurt by anyone. Sometimes I just want to disappear. If I can't make the world a better place and alleviate any suffering, why should I even be here, making things worse with my shallow existence?  

Reading the news and cringing at all the pain in the world, both up close and far away. A client struggles to come up with $20 additional dollars to pay for the required flu vaccine. Getting texts from my former admin at the public defender's office about a frequent flyer client. Uighur people in China in modern-day concentration camps. Refugees and asylum seekers biding their time in the crime-plagued border towns. Families I love battling autoimmune diseases, mental health episodes, financial hardships, and relationship dysfunctions. The persecuted church. 

Bad things happen. The world is broken. We are broken. The only place we can go to escape the weight of all these brokenness is the arms of Jesus and the seat of His promises that He is coming back for us and He is making all things right. 

So, there is an escape. And that escape is not daydreams about traveling or backpacking, it is not the zany antics of Malcolm's family. The escape isn't online shopping or cooking or yoga or face masks. Not that any of these things are bad or wrong, but I am still using them to soothe an anxiety that they cannot soothe! 

The escape is in obedience to Jesus. In remembering and encouraging my friends. In taking care of my husband. In working as unto Him in my job. In praying for those who suffer and are persecuted. In studying His words and promises that I will not forget what He said. In serving strangers with my time and money. 

Only He can help me grow my circle of influence so I am not swallowed up entirely by my circle of concern. Only He is my escape. 

*If you are the wife of her husband's brother, you are sisters-in-law, and this is the dream of most friends, that you marry a pair of attractive brothers and your kiddos grow up as cousins, I am living that dream, y'all!

End cap completion!

Friday night we rolled in like ghosts and loaded up, eight--yes, eight!--tires into our Toyota Camry to try to squeeze them in with an oil change. It was only $25 per tire to swap them out and balance them! (Also I learned what it means to balance a tire, lol.) The wheels were too old for the place to guarantee the tires for warranty purposes, but they put new valve stems on there and they look 100. 

Peter finished bolting the shocks into place with the tires off and successfully made his own washer using a fat titanium drill bit. (Glad I did not see that project in process!) While the tires were off, he used some Rust Reformer paint to hit the exposed frame in that area--the steel was in great shape already, but some extra protection is good for peace of mind. 

I spent some time with the wire brush on the drill trying to polish up the hubcaps and they are 90% of the way there, save for some stubborn spots. Now that the wheels, axles, and shocks are all set, and the jack still works, we can tow this thing to the welder to get that one outrigger fixed! (Okay, after the brakes get wired in and we replace our taillights--still flummoxed.)

Inside the rig, I worked on prepping the walls while Peter (and Amanda, thank the Lord!) worked on the back end cap. It is a thing of beauty to watch them work together--they are in sync, Amanda can anticipate what Peter will need handed to him next, they see the same problems and speak the same language, and also, she never skips arm day--she is strong! 

It made me feel bad for a sec--the wife who will never be as helpful as the sister--but I was cheered to think that he still chooses to let me partner with him in this project and takes the time to teach me things even though this doesn't exactly come naturally to me. 

So I took some Bondo and patched empty rivet holes, small rips, and places where the vinyl had peeled away from the aluminum. In some spots I used heaps of the stuff, which mean sanding it down took foreverrrrr, but I was pleased with the end effect. I also continued my battle to scrape paint off from around the front windows and doors, as well as the door frame. Like I wish I knew what primer they had used for that first facelift painting, because it will not budge! 

The back end cap looks so nice. Peter used a thicker gauge for the height of the curve and for the center piece, and the original gauge for those two pieces on either side. A compromise for weight and strength. Each slice ended up with more like 9" width instead of the 11" in the front end cap, and so the middle piece is 2'. But it looks tight, strong, and symmetrical, and the fact that it doesn't "match" the look of the front end cap shouldn't matter since the view of it will be interrupted by the bathroom wall. 

Fewer electrical probs this time around, too. We only used one power tool at a time plugged into the trailer outlets, and compressor stayed plugged in to the house. We plugged into the living room outlet instead of the outside GFCI outlet. Surge protector did the same thing where it blocked power to the system, but after a few minutes it self-corrected and started working fine. And the battery charged! 

We bought some Zinsser Bullseye 1-2-3 Primer, painter's tape, and some self-etching primer at the end of the weekend. Now we just need to figure out how to support the wires in the ceiling and squeeze insulation in there, and we can hopefully close the ceiling up and prime that ish. Also, patches. 

Some small things

Got off to a late start thanks to my ill-fated decisions, but Peter was a good sport and he bought me a chicken biscuit. 

We are getting the hang of the electrical set-up. First I noticed that with the shop-vac and the air compressor both running via the outlets, the inverter was blinking overload, so we switched to running the air compressor directly from the house instead. Then the surge protector inside of the Airstream started blinking a red light that said "CAUTION WHEN BLINKING" and wouldn't send any power to the inverter. Strangely, the fans (which are 12v and theoretically hooked up to the battery, which had plenty of charge) would not power on either. 

And then after maybe 2 minutes of us staring at it and thinking, it fixed itself. This happened a few more times. Throughout the day, I would hear the inverter running while we were only using AC power, which troubled me a little because I thought shore power should be able to bypass the inverter, but once or twice the "AC Mode" indicator was glowing, which comforted me. 

What did not comfort me is that when the surge protector detected an error and blocked incoming power, the power tools we had plugged in would continue running off the battery like nothing was happening--a cool feature for uninterrupted power use, but now how I'm wanting to use our battery. I am regretting having it wired to bypass the fridge, because it seems like we actually would have enough power to run it off our battery. 

Also, the 12v lighting worked even when the battery switch was off. How is that possible? This is the disadvantage of not doing your system yourself--you don't know how to troubleshoot it! 

First, Peter installed the shocks. He used blocks and the hydraulic lift to force pressure on the tires until the wheel mount was aligned, and the shocks fit right into place like Colin said they would. The washers that came with the new one weren't quite right, so he reused the old ones. And we were one short! So Peter made his own by using a fat drill bit to widen another washer he had. Such a problem solver. 

After that, he came inside the rig with me and riveted in the rest of the upper walls, which took some finessing to preserve the tension in the curve, especially around the vista windows, where you can't rivet due to the sliding window shade. He also wrapped up with the rivets in the front end cap. We are still waiting on the aluminum for the back end cap. He ordered a thicker gauge for more support. 

I think he's glad he started with the front end cap, because if he had started with the back, he might have lost his enthusiasm for it, but the front one looks so good! And I think the back one will look nice also, even if it's not perfect. 

My contribution was to try to strip some of the lingering paint lumps off the skins and also the rods that hold the ceiling in place. I also used some 60 & 120 grit sandpaper on the multitool to prep the walls for painting. It was so nice to have our fans going while we were working in there! And the light! We got some Bondo to patch areas where the vinyl has pulled away and also too-large rivet holes. We also got some self-etching primer and TSP. So close to painting, so close! 

Starting the back end cap

We couldn't wait to get to the trailer to admire Will's handiwork--lights! Omg! All the outlets and switches are wired in, too! He cut three holes in the interior skin for the addition of a switch, DC outlet, and AC outlet next to the bed, and it looks professional AF. Propane also looks stealth. Feel really lucky to have found someone to help us who does such great work! My sister stopped by so we gave her the demonstration--but she hadn't seen how far it had come since demolition so I think she was confused about why we were so excited. :P 

When we installed the axles, the shocks wouldn't reach the mounting bolt sticking out of the frame, so Peter called up our axle vendor for more information. He said because we had the frame up on blocks, there was no weight on the wheels to push the torsion arm forward. Peter took the frame off of the supports and sure enough, the first shock installed perfectly. 

Since Will tested the AC power, we were free to use the outlets inside the trailer for our power tools! I was nervous at first because the inverter was definitely running, but the battery level was unaffected, so I think it is indeed working the way it's supposed to. With the wires more or less squared away (I say more or less because we have lighting still to add in both of the endcaps, the bathroom, and above the sink), we were free to turn to the back end cap, the last piece of exposed wall! 

The challenge presented by the back end cap as opposed to the front is that there is less window and more wall; the back is so much bigger than the front. Peter was worried the aluminum might be too thin to provide its own tension and rigidity. He went to Home Depot and came back with an 8' aluminum bracket, which he cut in two and rivets between the closest rib and the window frame. Then he cut two 24" panels to rivet into that bracket and the original skin on the panel below. 

While he was doing this, I was adding insulation behind all the upper wall panels and trying to adjust the AC wires so they would press flat against the curve of the wall between the ceiling track and the inlet to the electrical platform. One of those fussy little jobs that took me a stupid long time. I also unearthed the tracks for the middle ceiling panel and attempted to scrape paint off of there--went a little rogue. 

I wasn't present for most of the construction of the front end cap, so Peter talked me through how the magic happens. He cut our remaining aluminum into 12" strips. We sorted them so that we knew which long side was the straightest: this would be the visible side. We pulled two pieces with the ugliest long sides to be the bottom pieces, because these guys were going to be cut again. We took one, cleco'd it into place, and traced the curve of the wall to the window frame. Peter cut along the line and then used it as a template to cut the other side. And these are the only end cap pieces that need cutting to fit the curve! 

Peter had made a rivet spacer out of an old campaign sign, so we clamped the 12" strips together and drilled holes along the straight, attractive long side. Then, piece by piece, we slid each panel behind the existing wall, anchored it with clecos at the rib, at the start of the curve, and at the window frame. Used the rivet holes we had drilled on the bottom edge to drill out rivet holes for the top edge of the piece underneath. Peter riveted while I laid insulation for the next level. 

There is almost too much tension in the pieces up so far, on the curbside because of the vent pipe nested in the wall and on the streetside because of the thick tangle of AC wires I couldn't fully tame. Some of the pieces we cut are longer than others (because we were at the end of the roll), and the longer pieces aren't sliding behind the existing walls quite right, they're hitting a rib or a rivet or something. When Peter would rivet the next piece on top, the tension would pull out of the piece below a bit, so hopefully this trend will continue up the wall, but so far this one is much more finicky than the front end cap. 

I was unraveling like a little baby, so we only got 4 pieces in before it was time to call it quits. When she was over checking out the Airstream, my sister had asked me if we fight at all during this project. Of course we get frustrated with each other, but on days like this when I am just a noodge, I am so thankful for Peter's kindness towards me! To finish the end cap we need to order about 8' more aluminum, which is a bummer because shipping is so expensive, but we have several interior patches to do also, so it will be put to use. 

We spent our ride home learning how to break the bead and change a tire, so that might be something we end up doing ourselves! It feels so empowering to be developing these new skills. 

Once the back end cap is finished, we have to cut out the Fan-tastic vent holes from the ceiling panel and figure out how to hold all the wires in the ceiling into their little slots so they aren't resting completely on the ceiling panel. Then we have to locate the paint sprayer at the farm. I was supposed to start sanding the walls this past weekend, but, you know how it be. Painting feels like the next frontier, and also a priority before it gets too cold out. The trailer doesn't look like much inside at the moment cos the walls are so ugly, but with a coat of paint on there I feel like the progress will be more palpable to outsiders. ;)

WOW! Axles!

 Reeeeeally exciting weekend! Despite getting on the road a little later than hoped for, we were able to get over to the shipping depot before it closed to pick up our axles! (For posterity, axles are #3500 axle with 12" brakes, powder coated tubes, 32 degrees torsion arms down angle, EZ lube spindles, with shock brackets welded in place.) I felt like I was in the movie Cars, watching the forklifts zip around the warehouse--it was so COOL! 

The next morning Peter got to disassembling while I was on rust-bust duty. Thankfully the wheel covers popped off pretty easily and once Peter was able to break through the first revolution, the lug nuts spun off easily. (For posterity, #21.) Then he detached the mysterious water tank and, ew, it still had water in it. He had been spraying the bolts on the old axles with WD-40 for weeks in preparation for this, and it paid off because he was able to drop the old axles with minimal finagling. We took a wire brush bit and a sander to the frame, but I was again so pleased to see what good condition it was in. 

Ostensibly, getting the new axles in place could be a two-person job, but only if the second person is a lot stronger than me. We put one end on a sheet of plywood, and Peter lifted the other end while I pulled the plywood under it was in place under the Airstream. I am not sure at all all how we lifted the first axle into place: it was some combo of Peter benching the axle while wiggling blocks underneath until it was up off the ground enough to lift it the rest of the way with a bottle jack. Peter had watched enough install videos on Youtube to learn that the axle slots in the frame would need to be widened half an inch to the back, so he used a jigsaw to make those cuts. He also made the slot a bit deeper so there would be more contact between the frame and the axle. 

We called in the calvary for the second axle. Amanda and Prudence lifted one end end while Peter lifted the other, and I stacked blocks, but it slipped and nearly crushed the four of us, so instead Peter and Amanda did the lifting while Prudence and I slipped temporary bolts into place to hold it against the frame, which worked a lot better.

Instead of balancing the jack in the middle, Peter put it under the bracket where the bolt was so that we could then use a sledgehammer to adjust the alignment. What was amazing was the brackets were tight against the frame, so you really had to get it lined up just right for both sides to go up into their slots, but strangely this wasn't too challenging, and the extra tension from that tightness also helped hold the axles up while we adjusted for the bolts. What was also amazing was that once the axle was fitted into its slot, Peter could finish the installation all by himself.

Peter tried to install the shocks, too, but they didn't quite fit, so he is going to do a bit more research. For a second I thought maybe we installed the axles upside down. His theory is that since we changed the torsion angle from the standard, it is making the shocks just a little too short. While Peter finished bolting the axles on, I used the wire brush & drill on the wheels to get the rust off. Once the axles were bolted on, we put the wheels back on and voila! Kind of crazy to think that we are just 4 tires away from being able to safely tow this thing! Like the subfloor, axles were a huge project I was super intimidated by, but my baby just got in there and got it done! 

In preparation for reinstalling the fresh water tank, we added plywood reinforcement to the subfloor seams in that compartment before we called it quits for the day. Lots of crawling around under the Airstream today, but thankfully no snake encounters.

Before we got out of Dodge on Sunday, we insulated the last back corner and put the last piece of original skin into place. Now all the walls are up except for the back end cap. The back end cap will take some finessing because it is "deeper" and covers more area without rib support than the front end cap. But Peter is also working with the benefit of experience now. 

Will is coming to run the propane lines and wrap up loose ends with the electric. I expect the back end cap will take a chunk of time, but since the tank venting is already mostly dry-fitted, we could be working on plumbing really soon! 

End caps!

 I am sorry to report that I was an extreme grumpy gills during Airstream work this weekend. Peter had all of Friday to devote to his goals, so I worked remote from the comfort of the air conditioning while he slaved away finessing the end cap with the assistance of Amanda. The spray glue the guy at Home Depot recommended was inferior to the 3M glue in that it did not want to stick to the Reflectix, so it was relatively useless for its intended purpose, but what are you going to do? Amanda was a huge help in the insulation department, and by 5pm on Friday the front end cap was, TA-DA, finished! 

Before we called it quits for the day, we cleco'd in the street-side upper wall. I stand by my assessment that that is a three-person job. We also checked our newly arrived replacement external lights to see if they would nest in the existing housing--unsurprisingly, I guess, they did not. On the way home we stopped at Tractor Supply and got two more kinds of lights to test. We think we can drill a new hole in the housing so we can sit a single LED in there, and screw the covers back in. 

Saturday morning I got to work on insulating the curb-side upper wall while Peter riveted in the street-side. I took it upon myself to do some wire sorting because it was giving me anxiety that Peter didn't seem to be paying the wires much mind (I had no evidence for this really, but I just couldn't let it go!) I know he is frustrated by the slowness of our progress and I worry that he is so focused on gaining ground that he forgets other details. But, if you know Peter you know there is always a method to his madness. 

We slid our electrical components platform to the side and insulated the back street-side wall and around the back hatch. Oddly, the remaining skins didn't match up the way we expected, probably there was some design intention in that, but since that area will now be visible instead of covered by the bathroom housing, we wanted fewer lines. We took a scrap of aluminum to cover that spot instead. 

With the help of Amanda and Prudence we got the curb-side upper wall cleco'd into place, and then put some rivets in there to help it align more. We are only securing it halfway up the wall so that the wall can peel back a bit for Will to run wires for the puck lighting. We threaded the rest of the existing wires to their spots as best we could. Then I gave it a good vacuuming, which never feels like a particularly essential task but is always so satisfying. 

We have been disagreeing about the number of lights we'll need inside. One of Peter's pet peeves is dim lighting and low visibility, but I think he is underestimating how bright LEDs can be and also how small the space is. He was pushing for additional, larger puck lighting across the endcaps, in addition to more decorative sconce lighting mid-way up the wall, but after getting the walls up he seems to agree with me that that the extra puck lighting isn't necessary. 

Before we left, Peter showed me the shower pan side-by-side with the toilet I had chosen. It is a bit wider than I had imagined, and he thinks the bathroom will end up being longer than we really wanted. We had talked about a waist-high "closet" between the shower wall and the bed, but it looks like we mix need to redirect that space to the bathroom so there is enough room to put your feet down in between the toilet and the shower pan. The other option is moving the toilet from the curb-side to the street-side and doing kind of like a walk-through bathroom, but I am loathe to lose the storage and to interrupt the openness of that side that we had envisioned. 

Next time I think we will put the last lower wall on for the back curb-side and tackle the back end cap? After next weekend, Will is coming back to help us wrap up the wiring and install the propane lines. I would like to leak-test the old freshwater tank and get it re-installed so Will can install tank monitors for us and we can turn toward the plumbing next. But, we still haven't decided where we want our control panel to go, since we only just decided to fabricate both the front and back endcaps. No original control panel anymore! 

But, Peter is project manager, so I will leave those things for him to figure out. Trying to lean into that freedom of responsibility to keep the grumpiness away. ;)

More walls!

Peter got another head start on me this weekend, heading up Friday morning while I was at work. He put up a ton of insulation and some more walls. Putting walls in is definitely a two-person job, so it is fun to work in tandem together: drill, cleco, rivet, repeat. We didn't label where pieces went as we took them off, but thankfully this hasn't been an issue because it's fairly obvious what goes where. Since this was all handmade to begin with, rivet lines are not completely even and not all holes line up with something to rivet into, which actually makes it easier to match the constellation of holes to the piece that goes there. Sooooo glad we got a pneumatic riveter; it is definitely faster and easier on the hands.  

We gave approximately +5 demonstrations of how our battery powers the Fantastic vent in the rear--I don't know if anyone was as impressed as we were, but it still has not gotten old for me!

The next day I got to work on stripping the last of the paint off of the remaining uninstalled panels. This was part rewarding (because I finally get how Citrastrip works and the most effective way to get this job done) but also part frustrating--because the vinyl is now peeling off! I am not sure if I ripped it by using the scraper too aggressively or if the combo of being exposed to the elements for the better part of the summer plus the stripper just did it in, but I am very disappointed because it is unsightly. My plan is to find something to patch it to slow/stop further separation. 

And the paint is not 100% removed--I stopped being a perfectionist about it. We will sand the walls down and treat them with deglosser and then hopefully the new paint will cover all the bumps and imperfections. I see why people fabricate all new skins, but I am still glad we went the route we did because reinstallation is much simpler with the originals. 

The exhaust vent we ordered to go over the stovetop is (1) too small for the existing exhaust hole in the skins, and (2) not compatible with the current exhaust vent cover on the outside of the Airstream, so we are going to go in another direction. Not sure what that direction is, but it's fine by me because this vent was ugly anyway. We picked a spot for the bathroom exhaust vent, but we have to mark it on the skin before it goes in. Peter wants to cut holes in the upper skins after they are installed; I am a proponent of cutting the holes before the skins go up. I will record who prevails. 

So now I understand why people make wire maps. I got so used to seeing the walls off that I forgot it would not be obvious where the ribs are once the walls. The walls can be so fiddly that once you've wrestled them into place you forget about where the wires are and where they might need to go and what ribs they might cross over to get there. For example, there is an outlet in the spot where the bathroom might be. We had that wall riveted into place with the outlet nested in its hole before we remembered we had intended to reroute that outlet about a foot over to the "bedroom." We drilled out the rivets and freed the outlet, but we have to remember to (1) free the wires from the junction box so they can be run further down the ceiling and between the correct ribs and (2) cut a new hole in the wall for the junction box to sit in. 

We ordered 16 puck lights, and Peter is thinking they should go in the upper wall skin instead of entirely in the ceiling panel. Bathroom will have its own light, so no puck lights in there, but probably three across the "bedroom" and three across the "living room." The remaining 10 should be spaced evenly in pairs along the main living space, maybe four in the "hallway" and six in the "kitchen" and desk area. We will need to measure! 

We pulled the old tail lights off--the lightbulb sockets are rusted through. I don't really want to replace the whole housing, so we are thinking we will either nest LED lights in the original socket housings, or we will try to mount the LEDs in the socket frame itself . . . and I guess by "we" maybe I mean Will. :P

We have the most challenging skins left to install: end caps, upper walls, and the ceiling panel. Hopefully Will can run the wires for the lights (I think the wires for the other functions like water pump, tank sensors, and range ignition are already in place) and then we will be able to put the last of them up. Peter brought his new nibbler and our roll of aluminum back to the apartment and he is going to try to cut the pieces for the end cap. If the back cap goes well, he may fabricate the front one also. We are in a hurry to get a coat of paint on there! 

WE HAVE POWER and part of a wall!

What an exciting weekend! We arrived at the trailer and surveyed Will's handiwork. I was not entirely sure what I was looking at, and this convinced me there was no way I could have done this myself. He walked us through the set up, explaining the flow of the circuit, and at the end he asked us if we wanted to see something cool? He flipped the battery switch and the Fantastic vent started spinning! 

He explained that all of the existing DC wires were tied into the fuse box and that to wire in any DC component we could just pick a wire and a ground and "tap" into them. He even gave us some connectors he had leftover! He also said that the AC power is hooked up, too, but we didn't have an adaptor to plug into shore power, and so no way to test that yet. Next time. He brought his van to plug into the 7-pin system, and confirmed that the 7-pin junction box was functioning--even some of the brake lights still work! And the hydraulic hitch! 

He was able to get all that done a lot faster than we were expecting, and he is always a wealth of information and encouragement. He is also willing to help us with our propane system, which is a relief because that is the next anxiety-frontier. He said he wished he had installed an outside propane hookup for a grill on his, and he suggested we include that in ours, and Peter was excited about this idea. Will is even going to order all the parts for us, so it feels amazing to completely outsource thinking about those logistics. 

Peter turned his attention to the plumbing venting. We went to the Home Deport and chatted with a knowledgeable and enthusiastic young man, and bought approximately +20 connectors (sorry, baby). Peter had ordered a 24x24x10 mop sink for the shower pan. The venting is 90% dryfitted, even the vent going through the walls, which feels to me like a huuuuge step forward. 

The puzzle of the tank attached to the axles continues. Soon enough it will have to come out, and we will hopefully have a better understanding of its functionality, but Will's theory is that it is an extra fresh water tank. It only has the one hose in and out! Peter is curious about finding a way to plumb the two tanks together. At any rate, I think we will have to install the main fresh water tank soon, including sensors, and find a way to reinforce the section of subfloor that is over the tank. Plumbing, y'all, it's starting sooon! 

I drilled out 90% of the remaining rivets in the ribs, and then went back to stripping paint and power washing. I have given up on perfection. We chose the bottom street-side panel to reinstall. We split the rockwool batt in half and crammed it into the wall haphazardly, with no adhesive, which was not my fav, but it held in there long enough for us to get the wall in place with some clecos and then the riveting commenced! Took a sec to get the hang of the pneumatic riveter, but now it is smooth sailing. Our fridge outlet and our mid-counter outlet are in place! 

I want to outsource rockwool installation to Amanda and Prudence, but I'm not sure the Reflectix will hold the rockwool up all week until skins go in, so that will probably just have to wait. We still have 3 big skins to strip paint from, and they can't really go in right now until holes are cut and vents are installed. Still, it's super exciting to have one of the skins completely riveted in, and I feel like that counts as meeting our goal of having a wall before September! 

Looking forward, I've ordered the Separett Weekender 7010 toilet so we can figure out how to vent the solids and drain the liquids to the gray tank. We also need new brake lights and a new 7-pin inlet and 7-pin cord. The breakaway switch is probably also too corroded, though the wire itself seems fine. I think we should probably also buy our puck lighting, so we can cut the holes in the skins and get those wires set before the top skins go in. No looking forward to cutting more holes in the skins. :( We brought home our window frames so that during the week we can strip the paint and bend them into shape. 

Electrical components box, axles, Citrastrip, and sawmill!

On Friday we built the electrical components "box". We used a leftover piece of subfloor to create a platform so the battery and inverter could sit above the vent and drain pipes for the gray tank. The other advantage of this platform is keeping the electrical components up over and away from any leaks that might occur around that back end of the trailer. We attached a lighter piece of plywood to create a side for the distribution panels to be mounted on. This way components can be accessed from the back hatch but also from under the bed inside the trailer. The "box" is about 17" tall, so the bed platform will be able to extend over it. 

Most of the electrical components have arrived, so it was fun to do a little unboxing. Our 200ah lithium ion battery from AIMS is predictably massive, but I was also surprised by the size and heft of our 2000w inverter-charger, and I'm a little worried about having all that weight on the tail end of the trailer. We lined up the supports for the platform with the two main beams in the trailer frame, which should help distribute the weight. Our AC distribution panel and DC fuse block also arrived, and Will thinks he will be able to get started next week! We might have electric in the Airstream before September!!! 

At Wally World, I wistfully examined the 50a --> 30a --> 15a adapters in the RV section at Wally World, dreaming about hooking up the air con to run off of the extension cable we have running from the farm house, hahah. 

In other large purchases, Peter ordered our axles. He talked to Colin Hyde, per Will and everyone else's recommendations, and wow, the guy is so knowledgable. What we ended up ordering is: #3500 axle with 12" brakes, powder coated tubes, 32 degrees torsion arms down angle, EZ lube spindles, shock brackets welded in place, and mounting hardware. The 32 degree torsion is in lieu of a lift for the time being. Colin says it will give approximately 1.5" of additional clearance. We are wanting more like 3" of clearance, but Colin said lift kits are not too complicated to install, and easy to add on later, so we felt comfortable delaying that purchase for now. 

On Saturday I turned back to the interior skins, only this time armed with Citrastrip. I feel so dumb that I wasted two days trying to strip paint without this. Layer one for 30 minutes softens the Kilz enough that I can use a paint scraper to get it off, and layer two for 20 minutes weakens the blue paint enough that the powerwasher can get it back down to the vinyl. Bonus: it smells very pleasant! I was only able to get through half the skins before I ran out of Citrastrip (and gas for the power washer), but then it was time to leave for our next project. 

The sawmill! 

Peter's mentor and the officiant at our wedding graciously invited us to his farm and sliced our locust log into six hefty pieces. I got to feed the cows their evening beer mash, and then they fed us smoked turkey, and I am just really thankful for this couple and their hospitality! The wood grain and raw edges on the boards are really beautiful, albeit super freaking heavy, but I'm excited to see what my baby is going to be able to do to them when we get to the aesthetic stage of this build. 

When we were working on the electrical box, Peter showed me how to use the circular saw, the jigsaw, the sander, and the router, and now I get his affinity for these things! Peter finds this work "fun" and I did not agree at first, but the more he teaches me about power tools and plumbing and carpentry and problem-solving, the more I see where he's coming front. I got hyped about this project in the beginning because I was dreaming of the end product, but the more I learn, the more I enjoy the process. 

Next time . . . we have to freaking ground our external lights! I just keep forgetting to do that. I want Peter to add a bracket to the electrical box because the "wall" feels a little flimsy to me. I need to finish scraping paint off of the skins now that I have a method to do this! Peter is probably going to focus on laying more plumbing and melting/shaping the gray tank vent pipe so it can hide between the skins. 

Dutiful

In high school I would lay in my bed in the dark, air conditioning blowing on my face (few things are such a signal of privilege to me as air conditioning), and wonder to myself why I was here: why I was born in the U.S., born to good parents, born into safety and comfort and opportunity. I was fixated on teenaged orphans in the Ukraine, and on teenaged refugees from Syria. 

How was it fair that God had given me such goodness and such goodness was withheld from others?

I felt strongly the call of Luke 12:48. As she saw me flounder with my direction in life, my mom would quote its charge to me often, along with Proverbs 29:18. 

When I went to Kazakhstan, I felt so much relief and cognitive harmony, that I was purposing my life towards giving back and doing something for the Kingdom with my privilege. But then I failed. I was terrible at it. Your setting is not irrelevant to your work or commission, but it is not everything. You do still have to, you know, work. 

During law school I felt of two minds about this. Teaching ESL was still meaningful. I got better at building relationships with my students now that I was back on my home turf. Or maybe my students did all the heavy lifting. But my future was not ESL. I was mediocre at it. It was not my goal. I studied law and eventually had to shift, leaving the ESL world behind and putting my hand to the transactional grindstone. 

Still, I found favor. Despite my bumbling and lack of inherent talent, the patient training and mentorship of other attorneys brought me into the good graces of those who could help me get where I wanted to go. I kept struggling non-custodial parents out of jail. But it was not enough for me. I got to criminal law--I couldn't keep these guys out of jail, but at least I was trying. 

I sat in arraignments, or in presentments, in front of judges who did not care what I said, if they did not outright shut down whatever I said, and I looked into the downcast or pleading eyes of defendants and thought, "They deserve so much better than me." I scrawled on my notepad, what am doing with my life? Why am I even here? Aren't I doing more harm than good? I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders as I packed up four DUI trial cases--all sure-losers who insisted on going to trial--and passed them off to a colleague. 

Now, as I struggle to provide any comfort to noncitizens caught up in a system that is fundamentally unfair, I ask myself, why am I doing this? Isn't this a waste of time? Am I cut out for this? On the one hand, expectations are lower in immigration court, and I thrive under low expectations. But on the other hand, the stakes are higher, and I find myself splintering under the pressure. Maybe it was time to give up and find a legal job doing doc review or contract drafting or something where I did not have to carry other peoples' suffering. 

I felt the air conditioning in my car wash over me one day on my way home from work and the Spirit brought Luke 12:48 back to my heart. 

The goal of life is not to avoid suffering. Not that suffering should be chased or embraced or called "good", but suffering is just a bi-product. It is pervasive. It will come to all of us, one day, in one form or another. And if I don't even try to stand with those who are suffering, can I even call myself a servant of Jesus? Is not a heart that is soft to the suffering of others the one thing that separates the sheep from the goats? 

What this means for me is, I cannot grow weary of doing good. I have been blessed so I can be a blessing. It is my duty to step into the opportunities in front of me and work at them faithfully until someone better equipped comes along. I can't shirk the challenges because my selfishness prefers the comfort of solitude to the rigors of defending others. When I feel the pangs of worry and stress, the answer is not to relinquish my work, but rather to steel myself against the discomfort, for this is my obligation as a steward of my privilege.

And it is more than just a mental choice to persevere. The emotional tax of this work is real. Nevertheless, my comfort is not within myself and my sense of obligation. Rather, my God will strengthen me to do the things that are hard for me. As I flex my muscles, He will fortify them. He will give me peace when I am troubled. And it is His love that compels me. 

Make no mistake, this is not to say that we should take on roles that we are not qualified for. Well-intentioned but naive self-appointed saviors have done more damage than those with nefarious motivations at times. Self-reflection, as well as diligent and disciplined work, is critical to ensuring that our efforts have their desired effect, and even then, we have to have the humility to recognize and repent of our failures and shortcomings. 

But it must never be fear or self-preservation that dictates our work or makes our decisions for us. 

Weatherstripping, sealing, and Reflectix!

One of my favorite accomplishments of the weekend was no longer having to use a ladder to hold the door closed. Peter reinstalled the latch. It is amazing! The door works! Ahhhhhhhh! Also, I washed all the mold and grime off the door, which was not a strictly necessary project but was immensely satisfying. 

Since the Airstream was sitting out exposed to the elements, unused, for many years, there is a lot of dirt, dust, and organic material in the window frames and crannies. Even with the skins out, and the new subfloor, and the Reflectix on the walls, the trailer still smells musty, and I am trying to control my impulses to engage in useless cleaning prematurely. 

W reinstalled the access doors and put new weatherstripping on them. We went with 9/16 width and 1/2 thickness. They ended up being too wide, so Peter trimmed them down with a razor blade. Thickness ended up being just right.

I finished up interior sealing and then did the tops of the windows externally. They look terrible. I used a clear polyurthane caulk and it is shiny so it catches the sun. It is bumpy because I didn't take the old sealant off. The clear looks better untooled, but I was forced to tool it on most of the windows because of the bumpy application. Then I decided to take some external lights off and I covered the sealant in crude from the lights. Ugh.

But the external red indicator lights are now replaced!

Peter's sisters are in the throes of SAT prep, studying 12 hours a day, every day except Sunday. They were willing to take a break from that and help us out for the right price. So while we were spending time with my family watching Hamilton, they were toasting away in the Easybake Oven taping Reflectix to the walls! In a few hours they had it almost all done. I don't know if it actually feels any cooler in there, but it certainly looks cooler. We had two rolls of 200 sq. ft., and it was just shy of what we needed. 

Coming up: Peter's mentor has some kind of a sawmill he is willing to let us use to turn the black locust tree Peter harvested into boards for our countertop and cabinets! We need to build the electrical components box while we are waiting for the components we ordered to arrive in the mail. Peter bought PVC pipes to redo the venting for the tanks. Blessed Will gave us the specs for his axel order and Peter has a welder lined up, so we might see about ordering those soon-ish. I need to finish drilling out interior rivets and stripping paint off the skins because we have a target date for skins back on!

More Preliminary Marriage Thoughts

Six months, y'all. I don't know, it feels like a milestone. I remember when we were dating I was so anxious to be past the beginning and into the middle, and I wonder now, we might be at the phase where I want things to slow down so I can really savor them.

The coronavirus quarantine precautions gave us a nice little bubble. We've carved out our selfish little routines and there's a lot of comfort in this. I take care of him and he takes care of me and we just get better at it as we practice more.

I want to have some kind of insight on our marriage, or marriage in general, but it feels both too new and too comfortable to force any kind of compelling reflections. I am just really thankful for my husband, for his love, for how my life looks right now. 

I was worried that living in Stamford, away from my family, my church, my community, my job, would send me back into the struggles that plagued my three years of law school. But so far, it has not, and I think it is because I feel safe and secure with Peter. 

It's Electric!

This weekend we spent all of Saturday and then an hour on Sunday working. The brevity was on account of how blisteringly hot it was. In the morning, Peter made and installed a patch where the TV antenna had been, and then removed the old back skylight, replacing it with a Fantastic Vent. During this time I tried mapping our wires, which in retrospect was probably useless work, but did give me an opportunity to inspect the existing wires and get an idea of how much we would have to run. 

Then, Will arrived!

We had reached out to a couple vendors about helping us with electric. First was Peter's brother's girlfriend's uncle who is an electrician--he didn't feel comfortable advising due to the unique nature of Airstream systems. I also messaged two RV retailers in Rhode Island (with service departments), thinking they might be able to direct my inquiry, but got no response. Then I sent an email to Dave Jewell at Cay Electronics on the island, who in fairness to him got back to me pretty quickly, but asked me to complete an audit of our electrical loads on our existing systems, which left me feeling overwhelmed. I also emailed Lithionics Battery in Clearwater, Florida, but ended up not returning their calls because we were looking for someone local. 

Enter, Will. Will and his wife Nicole were the first Airstream account I started following when Peter brought me in on his renovation plans. They caught my attention because they had only just finished their renovation as we were starting, and they had the same year and model as us, and they were based out of our area. Not a ton of Airstreamers in New England, so this was exciting!

Wanting to outsource the electrical work, and feeling discouraged about finding someone with such niche expertise, I messaged their account on Instagram and asked how they handled this problem. Nicole wrote back that her stepfather was an electrician, and that he was self-isolating because of coronavirus, but that her husband did their system and would be interested in helping us with ours, YASSSS! 

So Will inspected our situation, agreed to do the electric for us, and then gave up a boatload of free encouragement and advice about our renovation. It was so nice to hear from another Airstreamer that we were on the right track and making progress. Really excited to have him work with us! And also very excited to relinquish my stress and confusion about executing electrical installation. ;)

Other things that were accomplished: Airstream was powerwashed and leak-tested, simultaneously. No more black mold and mildew! Inside seams are 2/3 caulked. Access doors are removed and came back to our apartment with us for weather stripping replacement. KT lock came out of the door and is also down in CT with us for repair. Detached striker plates are re-riveted back on the windows and the drop-down step was sanded and sprayed with Rustoleum. Peter worked out how the piping for the tank vents will work, but we bought the wrong size pipe so we will try that again next time. 

Scaffolding is down! Roof is "done"!

A/C, skylight, and one fan down

Long weekend was a relief because we got to both work hard and rest hard. Peter got a jump on me getting to RI, so the A/C was 98% removed when I rolled in Thursday night. There were at least 25 screws and most were so badly rusted that he turned them into flat-head screws with the diamond blade. He set up a ratchet inside the Airstream, pressing on the inside bottom of the A/C unit to give it some tension, so when the last three screws were done, things happened fast! We slid the A/C off the roof onto the scaffolding and then Peter gave it the old heave-ho.

Friday morning we got to work on the left-behind sealant with scrapers and mineral spirits and Goof-Off. Peter got impatient and put a wire brush on the drill (we had used for getting rust off the frame) and BOOM, like magic, clean mounting surface. We enlisted some help to lift the new A/C onto the roof and four giant bolts later, tada! It was like, too easy? Ease of installation is the reward for what a pain the demo and prep is.

I put sealant and Flexseal in the old screw holes and shortly after that it started pouring, so we went to Home Depot and bought some #12 and some #14 wire. Our external indicator LED lights came, so we popped the orange ones off and installed those. They didn't come with ring terminals for grounding to the shell, so we bought some of those, too. Most importantly, we bought some Plexiglass, weather-stripping and jigsaw blades so Peter could make a skylight cover. I drilled out rivet stubs in the frame to prep for skin reinstallation while Peter tested and installed his handiwork.

Our Fantastic Vents had arrived also, and I was anxious to leave the Airstream as watertight as possible, so our last project for the day was to drill out the old vent and install the new fan. This task we actually felt the most prepared for, thanks to all the installation videos available on Youtube, this one being our fav. Peter's tip: be sure to drill the rivets all the way out the first time, not just the heads. He ended up having to drill twice. It took us approximately 90 minutes--our weekends feel so short, I am more cognizant now of the need to work quickly.

So pleased that the two major holes in our roof (the skylight and the front fan) are now plugged! And thankful for all the rain we got after the A/C install to test whether the sealant and Flexseal tape actually worked--it did! I still want to patch the hole left by the TV antenna mount (it has flashing tape over it at the moment--watertight but not longterm) but Peter is hoping to invest in an Olympic rivet grinding tool, and wants to avoid using pop rivets on the roof for the time being.

Next time: second Fantastic vent, external powerwashing and final leak inspection, wire mapping and running additional wires, and maybe beginning insulation??? I didn't inspect whether two weeks sitting out on the lawn had done anything to speed the remainder of the paint removal on the interior skins--but we bought some Citrastrip for next time. We also have clecos and, whoops, the tool you need to use them. The guy we were hoping to hire to weld the lift kit, axels, and outrigger repair sustained a tragic injury, so Peter may be tackling that task all by his lonesome on a more distant future date.

Paint removal and A/C installation prep

Lots of invisible work accomplished the past two weekends. First, we've started spending serious money. Bought an A/C unit! We chose the Coleman Mach 8 Cub with the heat pump. Peter pressed me for a reason I wanted this one over the Domestic Penguin II everyone else uses, and, I don't know. It's a little lighter and a little shorter and a little cheaper. It does not have a condensate pump, but we aren't planning on polishing our Rhody Stream, so that should be fine. 

The last of the subfloor went in while I was off having coffee with a friend. Peter discovered that the u-channel, the banana wrap and the shell were actually NOT ATTACHED in that corner. On a hunch he drilled out the outside trim after fitting the last subfloor piece, and lo and behold, it protruded past the shell by half an inch. It appears that the PO did some repairs along that back corner, and for some reason the banana wrap was reinstalled to nest over the shell instead of under. We had corrected this on the other side when we patched the hot water heater hole, but now that the subfloor was in, we didn't have that access to the u-channel any more. 

Peter sliced off the bit of protruding subfloor and re-riveted the banana wrap to the shell like the PO had, using about half a tube of sealant in the process. U-channel still needs to be reinforced to the shell, and subfloor needs a few more bolts into the u-channel. We will re-rivet the entire trim, but on the back part we may add a gasket of some kind to help repel water from that backwards seam. 

Various and sundry: We found the keys to the utility doors! Polyurethane went on the subfloor. WD-40 went on the window latches and they are smooth operators now! Peter build a scaffold to help us remove the old A/C unit and get it off the roof without breaking anything. The fact that his dad just had scaffolding hanging around is just another reason why I am so thankful we have the farm to be doing this project at. It would be a very different story in my parents' cul-de-sac or in the parking lot outside our apartment. 

The Fan-tastic Vent 1250 is on backorder because of coronavirus, which is a bummer, because one of two major leaks is coming from the old fan, so we were hoping to replace at the same time as the A/C. The other major leak is from our missing skylight cover; Peter's improvised Rubbermaid lid is not impregnable. We want a clear cover that can be cranked up and down like the original, but can't find such a thing available on the internet right now. May end up going with a Maxim skylight just for watertightness.

Speaking of, we leak-tested with a powerwasher once we had the A/C shroud off and still no drips aside from previously identified. Really impressed. PO clearly took a lot of care in sealing it up. We have been wanting to start on outside sealing, but the winter gave us a ton of mildew and even black mold on the outside, so it needs a good powerwashing. We have borrowed one from the fam, but turned out attention first to the inside skins. Peter removed all the remaining rivets and screws from the skins while I started scrubbing and paint-removing.

They had been sitting outside since we removed them last fall, which I had hoped would assist in the paint removal process. There is a layer of Kilz mold-killing primer, and under that some blue latex paint, and it does NOT want to come off. I alternated powerwashing and mineral spirits, but have 4 rounds the skins still have 60% of their paint still adhering. I didn't want to use anything too powerful because we are wanting to leave the vinyl on, and we are doing this in the yard, and the thought of toxic stripper draining into the well or the pond concerns me. We will try vinegar next, and if that doesn't work, Citrastrip. Dish soap has worked fine to get the grease, grim, and leaching glue off of the vinyl-only skins. 

Next visit: A/C installation, wire mapping and taping, external powerwashing, preliminary external sealing, and please, oh, please, completion of interior skin scrubbing. Peter is beginning to research door latch repair since we locked ourselves out one night. Getting quotes from electricians and attempting to map out our electrical system. Electric feels like the next big hurdle to getting the skins reinstalled, so I am anxious to start chipping away at that task. 

Rhody Stream Subfloor

Two weekends ago I walked into our Airstream shell and felt sick with dread--what to do next? Peter popped a cover on the broken skylight and propped the back belly pan into place, and then he suggested we go buy subfloor supplies. I so admire that my guy is a doer.  

When cutting out the subfloor last fall, he had left a narrow strip of plywood in the c-channel to prevent collapse, so while he worked on cutting the bolts to free those pieces (combo of a multitool and a diamond blade), I vacuumed out the grime and leaves that had accumulated during the winter, and started applying sealant (DAP polyurethane) to any little screw holes in the belly pan. We are attempting to go all-electric, so I also used aluminum tape to cover the propane holes. Water-tight for now, but easy access if we change our minds. 

Peter successfully extracted the front curve of the subfloor intact, so he was able to use this to trace the cuts without having to do any scribing. We used Dryply sheets that were slightly thinner plywood (I believe the original was 5/8, and we used 23/32) and I could not believe how easily it slid in. Peter did do a little banging into place, while I pushed on the c-channel from the outside, but after the horror stories we had read about shell-on subfloor replacements, we were both pleasantly surprised. 

I noticed a lot of people do the front all one piece, running the boards side to side instead of end to end. Doubtless there is a good reason for this, but we felt there was more rigidity and structure in using 6 pieces long-wise, and we used 1/2 plywood the reinforce the seams. For the back of the Airstream and for the side bath, we chose pressure-treated plywood in hopes that this will stand up better to any water exposure than the Dryply might. Peter also sprayed the edges with Flexseal. We put 3.5" mineral wool insulation below the floor. We also ran a conduit pipe from the area of the fresh water tank to the black water tank, just in case we decide to run any pipes or wires through the floor, we will be able to access either end even with the floor on. 

We did hit a bump with the screws. Since we were doing this shell-on, bolts were not an option, except in front of the door. The 1/4 stainless steel screws we had purchased kept breaking, even with meticulous pre-drilling and we were momentarily stumped. Turns out there are these 1/4 wood-to-metal self-drilling screws that are, unsurprisingly, called trailer screws. We got two kinds, 2 3/4 and 3"--the former worked much better, whereas the 3" needed a little pre-drilling. Those joined the c-channel and frame, and subfloor and frame, and we used wood screws on the seams and additional stability in the c-channel. 

The back curbside (right) subfloor installation was the worst because (1) Peter cut a slot for the black tank dump valve, which did not give us a lot of wiggle room to bang the floor into the c-channel without misaligning that slot, and (2) the c-channel had collapsed a bit AND pulled away from the skin, in part due to an accident that side apparently sustained, and in part due to wood rot near the hot water heater. Peter ended up shaving the bottom edge to give it a thinner, gradual edge, and I used a screwdriver to wedge the c-channel open while he banged it into place. 

While subfloor installation was underway, a few other things were addressed: we did our first rivets! We patched the hot water heater hole and ended up adjusting the belly wrap on that back corner, inadvertently banging a dent out. We also reattached the back belly pan and built a platform for the black tank to rest on. (No idea how it used to fit in there, did it really just rest on the two bars across the back frame???) It was pouring rain outside one of our work days, so we were able to find and patch a few leaks--though I have been extremely pleased with how water tight the outside shell has remained all these years! 

Memorial Day was rough because Peter's back was in bad shape, so once one half of the back was screwed into place, we called it a day and will put in the last piece next weekend. This decision also allowed us to delay figuring out what to do about the bird who built a nest in the interior of the old A/C unit. She still has access to her babies through the back belly pan, but that access will be gone when the last of the subfloor is in. We think the birdies will be old enough to leave the nest by then, but we will see. 

Our next priority will probably be electric and A/C installation so we can continue interior work without suffocating as the weather warms up. Sorry, no photos here! For visuals of the process check out @rhody_airsteam on Insta. 

Beginning our Rhody Stream renovation

We finished demolition in October, removing all built-ins, appliances, the subfloor, inner skins, and insulation. We grinded the rust off the frame and painted with Rustoleum before we packed up the project for the winter. Now, spring has sprung and it is time to start putting things back together.

Things I am encouraged about--the wiring appears to have been updated by the previous owner, so probably we won't have to replace it. Frame had shockingly little rust and only needs welded reinforcement in one spot. And my baby used to work construction (and also helped his family build their own house growing up) so he knows a lot of things that I don't know!

Things I am worried about--we are going to try to replace the subfloor shell-on. Everything I've read indicates that this is a pain in the rear. Also, I imagine the axels and tires need replacing, and maybe also the hitch, but I haven't the foggiest idea how we will be able to tow to a service center that can make said repairs.

When I feel overwhelmed starting a new project, I like to focus on what I've learned already. During demo I learned . . .

• How to drill out rivets
• How to use a power washer
• What a c-channel is
• The water tank layout and capacity for our rig
• What a p-trap is
• How to test rivets to see if they're sealed
• How propane-powered fridges work and why they need to be vented
• That there are these things called scrap metal yards and they will pay you money for your metal!

I comfort myself with the knowledge that it is possible for me to go from a blank slate to experientially educated. And the learning has not stopped just because the work has! Since quarantine and reno hiatus I learned . . .

• It's important to use a polyurethane (as opposed to silicone) sealant on your Airstream
• It's not smart to tool polyuerathane sealant with your finger
• What R-value is and the merits of various types of insulation
• The merits of various kinds of subfloor materials
• What a lift kit is and why we should probably install one

The goals for this weekend are, (1) to make a dump run with all the demo'd junk we left in the yard, (2) to inspect, grind, and Rustoleum any rust that may have accumulated during the winter, (3) to assess and procure materials for repairing the center skylight, and (4) to commence sealing the outer shell. The latch to our door also needs to be repaired (it locks us out when fully closed), but I don't know how to do that, so it may need to wait for a future weekend. I have never caulked before, so wish me luck!

I have been consulting the following resources: The Greatley's Airstream Remodel, Drivin' and Vibin', Running from Ordinary, Restoring a Dream by Tim Shephard, Tin Can Homestead by Lawyer and Bashaw, and of course, the Airforums.

Preliminary Thoughts on Marriage

Today we will have been married for three (3) months.

It feels like maybe we are just a dating couple that is cohabitating, in that we are still very polite and gentle with each other. (Still, in a warm and respectful way, not in a shy way.) I only know we are married because we are so much happier than when we were dating. No longer long-distance and no longer insecure. We are bonded to each other now, and so we live with the comfort of this assurance--this person will not leave me alone.

He went to the grocery store on Sunday morning, and I stayed behind out of consideration for the store's capacity rules. I looked around the apartment grasping for some way to spend this rare time alone. I found that I missed him! After three months of non-stop togetherness, all day every day, I discovered I had no suppressed activities waiting in the wings for his non-presence.

I find butter and crumbs and coffee dribbles and mysterious sticky spots all over the kitchen counter and cabinet handles, and I smile to myself. He is like my dad this way, and also, if my dad is still doing this at 59 years old, I cannot have high expectations that my guy will cease this low-grade messiness during our marriage, so I might as well learn to accept it.

Then I wonder, what if it's actually me??? Do I leave butter and crumbs and coffee dribbles all over the kitchen? No way to know . . .

There is something we grieve about. I have not taken to sex half as easily as I expected I might have, and while I was not naive enough to think there would be no learning curve there, the challenge is not at all what I expected it might be. Our efforts to progress have not really met with any fruition, and in our helplessness and disappointment, we are unsure of how to proceed.

Still, it is touching to me that we grieve together. 

It is a blessing to be together.

Drama

My sister confronted me on Easter about my neglect of our relationship since quarantine started. Thinking of my previous post pricked my conscience. 

I made me feel angry and defensive, because if you look at the facts, I had done nothing wrong. I had not neglected her. But my defensiveness was shadowed by guilt, because I knew she was nevertheless correct, because I knew I was going through the motions, that my efforts were not sincere. And regardless of who is "correct," her feelings are still there. 

What do I do with that? I asked my husband. His advice was so good. Don't be bitter. Keep reaching out. Reach out in a way that can be sincere for you. And bless his heart, he was even more concrete. Send video messages on Instagram, boom. 

I think my sister wants me to bare my soul to her, and this is a good desire and it is possible to have this between sisters. I want to be close to her, too, but how can I trust her to extend me grace for the things on my heart if she cannot extend me grace these other grievances of distance and inattention? 

I know I can't be petty and bitter. I know I have to forgive and extend her grace for her insecurity. But it is also painful to be judged by her. I imagine she feels a similar pain in the distance. So she and I, we are trying to parse that pain and get closer, but maybe we have different ideas about what that looks like. 

I thought maybe I distanced from others in order to protect them from me failing them, but maybe it is also possible that I distance from others in order to protect myself how uncomfortable it is to be humble and soft-hearted and forgiving. 

Confession

I have avarice. I did not know this was the word for it. I did not know how to describe my fear of connecting with and investing in others. 

But it is true that I want to direct how I spend my time. It is true that I am uncomfortable with the expectations others make of me. It is true that I worry about letting people down, and instead of working tirelessly to make sure expectations are met and people are affirmed, I withdraw, I resent their needs, I resent their claims on my time and emotional resources, or I feel no guilt in setting boundaries that are too firm and too conservative. Too many texts and calls go ignored because, "I just can't." 

It is avarice.

And it has failed to protect me from the guilt and pain of not being there for others, because the more I distance and resolve to meet my own needs, the more needy I feel. 

But I have heard, that in His great mercy, He has promised to turn my guilt into innocence. He has promised to fill me with His infinite resources. He will make me enough for others. He will cover me when I fail them. He will heal the pain that inevitably crops up in the midst of closeness. He will make it possible for me to start anew, every single day. 

He commands me, do not be afraid. I cannot fear hurting others. I cannot fear being drained of my resources. I cannot fear burnout. I cannot fear their expectations. I cannot fear being tied down. 

If I can count on Him, He will make it possible for me to reach out. For me to build others up. For me to be there for people. For me to have friends that give life and not pain, guilt. 

He is infinite. He is everlasting. He is a well that does not run dry. Drink as much as you need, He says. Your weaknesses are not a problem. I can make goodness from your feeble and fractured attempts. I believe He really will take care of me.