Saturday, September 18, 2010

Contextual time capsule

On the car ride back from Kingston on Friday I found myself empathizing with Linda, as I kept snatching glances at my gasoline gauge, even as I resigned myself to trust God to get me home. [To give credit where credit is due, I didn't even get down to the gas light. Sovereignty.] Oh, I so desperately wanted to go home. It's not that my first full week of college was particularly difficult, but I found myself severely missing my family.

Living with the Bankstons is surreal, because their family reminds me so much of my own family, their dynamics and habits and philosophies towards living. Even in Bevin I see so much of Caleb, it makes me miss him that much more during the week. It was a seamless transition for me, though I still feel a bit like an intruder on their life, they have done everything to graft me into their home.

Studying in the library is my favorite thing about college. Classes are inevitably a snore, so accustomed am I to learning out of a book, but in the deafening silence of the third floor, scribbling up flash cards, I feel so collegiate and studious. And it is the one place that assures me there are actually students on campus that care about their education. The broken beer bottles on the quad do give me doubts . . .

Classes aren't so bad, though. The material is all very interesting, and when my professors aren't feeling excessively jaded by student apathy, they're enthusiastic enough to keep my despair at bay. I even talked in my COM100 class the other day. Though, I'm trying not to betray my speech and debate background. Gotta keep expectations low. Yup. Definitely a college kid. Strangely, my workload has been rather light, and I keep waiting pessimistically for the other shoe to drop.

Work might be my favorite part of this college thing, though. The people at RAM Computers are so nice it could break my heart. I love Filemaker, the cash register, making phone calls, filing papers, installing drivers, imaging hard drives, diagnostic sessions, running random errands, learning the ropes. I love it all. I love that no matter how silent and isolated I feel throughout the day, at work I will have a chance to laugh and talk and engage.

There's too much to get involved in, it makes me dizzy, and I guard my spare time rather jealously. I'm sure next year or even next semester I'll scorn myself for being so antisocial. But I've jumped right in with Intervarsity, for better or for worse. They seem to be an awkward crowd, but they are not unkind, and there is such rest and relief in a group with whom I have Jesus in common. Nevertheless, I have been lonely, if it is indeed loneliness, a feeling that so often deceives me. I miss you.

So that's been the past two weeks of my life. I beg of you, update me on yours? [I'm so sorry . . .]


Art said...

I want to talk to you for real sometime. Like, no excuses, as a real person. That might happen in an email. Or it might not.

I experientially understand this more than anything else: "Nevertheless, I have been lonely, if it is indeed loneliness, a feeling that so often deceives me. I miss you."


I'm so glad to hear about your college life. Thank you.

Kris said...

Hayley, you are just so wonderful. You put into words everything my first semester was like so much better than I thought was possible.

I love studying at libraries so so much and am totally the same about guarding my spare time. And, yes, the profs who don't expect much from you.... :D And of course, trying not to make it too obvious that you have actually studied communications extensively before this. ^^ Welcome to college. :)

I can't wait to hear your thoughts as the semester progresses! :D Now my mind is full of all sorts of college-y and first-semester advice that I wish I had known....

Yay for InterVarsity! :) I've been exploring loads of Christian groups on campus and have been like IV a whole bunch so far. You should go to their Big Event at the end of October and we can see eachother... assuming I go. :D

Anyways, this post was rather awesome, just like you. Thanks. <3

L.E. Fiore said...

I like and relate to this post. :-) Love you, Hayley. :-)