I am a little bit of a basket case right now. Mostly because I've been running on five hours of sleep each night, and Dunkies. Mocha toasted almond iced coffee -- what it is!
Do you know that I'm dumbfounded by God?
You see, I am too easily discouraged. At the slightest fatigue or dry time or tough task, I pansy out and complain to God, "Why am I so confused, why is my heart so dark, why do things seem so tough, when are You going to make it easier?" My life is by no means hard. But I always let myself pretend like it is. So last week I secretly promised myself to persevere, to reject discouragement and not to be so thirsty for encouragement, but to content myself with endurance.
And the moment I resolved this I have been met with a flood of encouragement from my God. I don't understand! I don't know why! For now, what can I do, but treasure His extravagant love and remember these blessings for when the desert times come again. Everywhere I turn today I am knocked over by another affirmation, encouragement, blessing. This love is dizzying. It makes no sense to me.
Our computer was totaled. Our A/C was expensive to fix. The "2/3 mine car" is still in a lot somewhere. I struggled to make my video. I felt disconnected from the lives of people who hadn't spent a week in Lynn, Ma. I was irrationally irritated by my sister. One of my best friends is leaving for college this week. How? How are all these things alleviated? How is it that they are doctored to be a blessing from God? How many encouraging emails or conversations or wall posts or text messages can I get in one day? Do you know, a kid even wrote me a poem today. God has softened my heart to see His love.
One of my least favorite jobs this past week was fliering for Metro Kids -- it made me miserable. And thought I tried to sing to myself, skip, take the stairs two at a time, smile as widely as possibly, I couldn't banish the misery from my heart. And as I thud down one of the numerous dilapidated porches, a woman crosses the street saying, "Good job, what a wonderful work you are doing here, these kids need this, make sure you don't miss anyone." And peace revived my heart, and I heard with conviction, "Do you know what a privilege this job is? You are blessed." And when we hip-hop flier'd in the hot sun, He gave me a second wind of hyper energy, a whole new literal meaning to "He is my strength." The blessings are multiplying like rabbits in my recollections - encouragement in excess!
It's as though God seems to be flicking my ear -- "What's that, you thought I was depriving you? Here, I am as rich as I say I Am." I get it, God, I get it! You love me!
I feel like the Israelites who complained for meat over manna, and had quail coming out their nostrils, except I complained for perseverance over discouragement, and now I have encouragement out my nose. And I apologize for the bizarre mental picture, but how else can I describe how inescapable and permeating this love is?