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Sunday, August 23, 2009

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just thinking.

I do this thing where I completely zone out, I'm inside my head and dead to anything outside of my head.

I was reading a blog just now, and Maggie said something, but the only word I heard was "today" because I didn't even realize until just now that she was talking. And honestly, I was a little irked that she expected to have my attention just by saying something out, couldn't she see I was inside myself? Does she think my ears are free real estate? Does she think she can just talk and I'll drop all thoughts to listen? Does she expect that I'll hear her just because she's making noise? Huh? [This is partly Maggie's fault. It's hard to tell when she's talking to you, or when she's talking to herself; she just talks about nothing to no one. A lot.]

She sees a girl sitting on her bed staring at a computer screen, probably frowning and squinting a little. [You've probably seen my computer face. It does overtime as the "I'm trying to understand what I think I just heard" face and the "forgive me, I'm deaf, blind, and slow" face.] I see cogs and wheels and typewriters and stacks of paper scraps all formulating and analyzing that which is occupying my attention at the moment. I am scrambling to match this new information with a point of reference, and if I haven't one? Oh my soul, then the cogs speed as I start a new file as a future point of reference. To me, when my mind is whirling, it's not subtle. It's obvious that I am in deep thought. It's obvious to Maggie that I am quite rude.

But anyway.

I think I want to get outside of my head for a change. To try being observant and impulsive and actually hear people when they say things instead of being so wrapped up in my mind that I'm impermeable to the outside word.

I'm not sure why this is important to me. But it would defeat the purpose if I were to retreat into my head to figure it out. ;D

5 comments:

Art said...

Heh, the same thing happens to me. A lot. (Note the well placed space between those last two words.)

I think it's a worthy goal, to be considerate and always ready to help out. Though, I find it very hard to concentrate on more than one thing at once. O for a perfect world.

Michael said...

Story of my life, Hayley! The thing is, that it's usually a mix of two things (Though right now I'm admitting this to myself to, because I never have before) usually most of it is simply that I am so wrapped up in whatever I'm thinking about that I don't hear the person (well, my ears hear words, but the brain is not attached with the ears at that moment), but sometimes once in a while it's because I mentally shut off what someone is about to say, or is saying, because I don't want to have to try to focus on more than one thing at once.

Rebecca, in a perfect world...would we ever focus on more than one thing?

Art said...

Michael... I don't know if we would have to. But I think we'd be able to.

Kay said...

This just reminds me of the difficulties of living like a Christian. You have to focus on yourself to figure how to live a godly life... but at the same time you are supposed to think of others. I have such a hard time finding a balence between trying to know God for myself and trying to show him to others.

Kay said...

Also, I miss you and feel like I haven't talked to you in forever!