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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Negative Perception

I'm a jerk. Storytime!

The Fray is playing at URI in September. And of course me and my friend Hannah are so there. My mom loves the Fray, so she's coming too, and she shared this news with a friend she ran into at the mall. Said friend told us that tickets are twenty dollars cheaper if boughten through a URI student. Score!

As luck would have it, Hannah and I know no URI students. Stalking our Facebook friends and asking around did little to turn anyone up. Until my dad's running buddy came over. Mom remember that my friend from when I was younger goes to URI, my friend the brother of my dad's running buddy.

Oh, I know, good story. The plot thickens.

I was all, sweet! But, you know, I haven't talked to this guy in forever, and I'm all about keeping my options open. Last time I saw him, at a mutual friends' wedding we hadn't spoken. I wasn't planning on contacting him about it. But my mom assumed I had Facebooked him. She told his brother as such. And he was like, "What the heck, my brother hasn't heard from your daughter."

And I was like, "Nice, now this guy is expecting a Facebook message from me about concert tickets, which is awkward enough. But also, I wasn't planning on asking him." Some searching had revealed a girl who goes to our church also goes to URI, it was easier, safer, less awkward to just ask her. Or find someone else.

And my mom was like, "Why do you keep shutting this poor kid out?" There are so many reasons - he's taller and smarter and older than I am, so I'm intimidated by him. We mutually avoid each other when we see each other, because, you know, we were friends when we were eight. Those aren't the kind of friendship that are easy to pick up again.

I mostly don't want to exacerbate our awkward acquaintance by using him for such a utilitarian ends as concert tickets. [Especially because, as a Megadeath fan, I think he probably doesn't hold The Fray in high regard.] I want to avoid contact with him in general because it's sure to be uncomfortable, and I flee from that sort of thing. But, maybe this awkward relationship is my fault.

I tell myself I avoid him because he avoids me. My mom says he avoids me because I'm icy to him every time I see him. Which might be true. I did ignore him at the wedding. [But he ignored me, too!] Because he makes me nervous. Because I am an insecure person! Isn't that just silly, though? It's usually easy for me to pick up friendships where they've left off - can't I just get over myself and treat this kid like I'd like to be treated?

This lesson has been slow in the learning. To get over myself. To treat all people with love regardless of whatever warped perception of our relationship I have in my head. I think I have a Facebook message to go write. Maybe. Act on what I've learned.

1 comment:

Michael said...

ugh! I hate those annoying used to be friends things! I totally did that with Jordan until we moved here. And it's so easy to justify it as their fault!