Sunday, March 8, 2009

Freedom Tourney Detox

I had so much to repent of on the ride home from Freedom. My insecurities, my silent judging, my verbal judging, my self-centeredness, my complaining, my criticism, my laziness, my conceit, my many, many failures. Experiences and relationships. The competition, too. Eating the humble pie of a record that was not what I expected it to be and my first first place placing that according to my ballots was a fluke. The rounds I should have won and the rounds I wasn't supposed to win. The people I was supposed to talk to and the people I ignored. Reading that same chapter in Lamentations over and over again, and not understanding.

But this is how good God is.

The pattern: Hayley realizes how fallen and stupid she is. Hayley wallows in said stupidness. Hayley gets depressed and feels like she can't change. Hayley realizes how self-centered this is and gets over herself. Eventually.

But God wasn't about to allow me to repeat this pattern this time, I think. 

Right before I left, Mrs. Rock grabbed me and told me, "Trust God, when you don't understand, surrender your confusion and trust Him." She was my constant cheerleader through the tournament, telling me I looked lovely and was talented every time I started to feel wilted or was tempted to stop trying my hardest. In fact, throughout the tournament, there was always encouragement in the moment I needed it. It was almost like God was grabbing me by the shoulders saying, "Don't give up, it's not about you, keep trying." When I felt left out, He sent someone to give me a hug, giving me the love to pass on to someone else. When I felt ill-prepared He gave me the guts to work harder. He said, "You messed up, but my grace is still sufficient for you. Have peace, rest in Me."

The Foundation for Economic Education is amazing. Almost as amazing as your face.