I got new shoes. Which is only worth sharing because these are the dream shoes I repeatedly refrained from buying because I already have perfectly grawesome tennis shoes already, and didn't really need these. But. Maggie bought them, and I was jealous, so she cut a deal with me and bought some preppy black plaid ones instead. Everyone wins! [The awkward picture demonstrates the awesome.] Maroon, next to gray, is one of my long-standing favorite colors. Even though I don't have a favorite color. Maroon and gray I wear the most, though, so these shoes match pretty well with the rest of my wardrobe. Plus, I wore them in a corn maze on Labor Day, so they're good and dirtied up, and I don't have to endure the "Oo, your Chucks are clean" feeling.
One of my youth leaders, Mr. Bob, has been educating me on the dent theory, since he and my dad just bought a new car, same model and everything. He asks me every time he sees me if my dad's new car has a dent in it yet, or do we still have to hold our breath whenever we take it out. Further, my sister just started reading A Severe Mercy, in which the man and his wife take to marking up their car with a hammer and a baseball bat because they want to be sure no material possess takes ahold of their life. When I got my computer, not only did all my spare time suddenly disappear, but then I was committed to buying tons more stuff -- a protective case, a bag to carry it in, spray for the smudges on the screen, Apple Care. Taking care of our possessions means time and worry and buying more possessions. The couple in A Severe Mercy escaped the cycle by just smashing their car up so they wouldn't care.
This makes me think of new shoes, and materialism, and how hard it must be to be married. I know too many young people in serious relationships, and the cynic inside me wonders if they realize what exactly they're getting into. And it's probably because I've never loved someone like that, but I just can't help but think of how frustrating and difficult it'd be to have one life with someone, and to give up the way I do things. I have a hard enough time living for Jesus, never mind someone as fallible as myself. Does anyone really understand how hard it is for two people to live as one until they've tried it? [Hello 50% divorce rate. . . .] I'm not bashing relationships, honest, I'm happy that my friends are happy. I just wish that with these serious relationships I saw fewer painful breakups. C'est la vie. It makes it all the more tragic that in A Severe Mercy the guy who found someone who would buy a car and smash it up with him loses said person. C'est la vie.
This is a testament to how stressed I am, that I go from new shoes to the dent theory to A Severe Mercy to divorce in a matter of sentences. [I haven't even read A Severe Mercy. Which is sad, it seems like my kind of book, but oh well.] Life is hard, and very wonderful. For every disappointment, there's a more uplifting comfort. Why can't I say what I mean?! I'll just . . . try not to think about school. I'm thinking about, maybe, deactivating my Facebook. And never going on Gchat again. And putting a block on all websites that stream the shows I'm watching now. I'm thinking about putting air in my dad's bike's tires and living at the library for a while. It's time for me to learn what hard work is, time to cut out some distractions. I hate making pie charts of what's important to me, so I won't. Time to self-inflict some challenges and get some work done. Time to stop being lazy, Hayley.