Friday, September 11, 2009

Hayley versus Ernest Hemingway

I got new shoes. Which is only worth sharing because these are the dream shoes I repeatedly refrained from buying because I already have perfectly grawesome tennis shoes already, and didn't really need these. But. Maggie bought them, and I was jealous, so she cut a deal with me and bought some preppy black plaid ones instead. Everyone wins! [The awkward picture demonstrates the awesome.] Maroon, next to gray, is one of my long-standing favorite colors. Even though I don't have a favorite color. Maroon and gray I wear the most, though, so these shoes match pretty well with the rest of my wardrobe. Plus, I wore them in a corn maze on Labor Day, so they're good and dirtied up, and I don't have to endure the "Oo, your Chucks are clean" feeling.

One of my youth leaders, Mr. Bob, has been educating me on the dent theory, since he and my dad just bought a new car, same model and everything. He asks me every time he sees me if my dad's new car has a dent in it yet, or do we still have to hold our breath whenever we take it out. Further, my sister just started reading A Severe Mercy, in which the man and his wife take to marking up their car with a hammer and a baseball bat because they want to be sure no material possess takes ahold of their life. When I got my computer, not only did all my spare time suddenly disappear, but then I was committed to buying tons more stuff -- a protective case, a bag to carry it in, spray for the smudges on the screen, Apple Care. Taking care of our possessions means time and worry and buying more possessions. The couple in A Severe Mercy escaped the cycle by just smashing their car up so they wouldn't care.

This makes me think of new shoes, and materialism, and how hard it must be to be married. I know too many young people in serious relationships, and the cynic inside me wonders if they realize what exactly they're getting into. And it's probably because I've never loved someone like that, but I just can't help but think of how frustrating and difficult it'd be to have one life with someone, and to give up the way I do things. I have a hard enough time living for Jesus, never mind someone as fallible as myself. Does anyone really understand how hard it is for two people to live as one until they've tried it? [Hello 50% divorce rate. . . .] I'm not bashing relationships, honest, I'm happy that my friends are happy. I just wish that with these serious relationships I saw fewer painful breakups. C'est la vie. It makes it all the more tragic that in A Severe Mercy the guy who found someone who would buy a car and smash it up with him loses said person. C'est la vie.

This is a testament to how stressed I am, that I go from new shoes to the dent theory to A Severe Mercy to divorce in a matter of sentences. [I haven't even read A Severe Mercy. Which is sad, it seems like my kind of book, but oh well.] Life is hard, and very wonderful. For every disappointment, there's a more uplifting comfort. Why can't I say what I mean?! I'll just . . . try not to think about school. I'm thinking about, maybe, deactivating my Facebook. And never going on Gchat again. And putting a block on all websites that stream the shows I'm watching now. I'm thinking about putting air in my dad's bike's tires and living at the library for a while. It's time for me to learn what hard work is, time to cut out some distractions. I hate making pie charts of what's important to me, so I won't. Time to self-inflict some challenges and get some work done. Time to stop being lazy, Hayley.


Falling Wings of Glass said...

But isn't young love supposed to be one of the best parts of life? I know, I know - you don't need to tell me the arguments. But I certainly struggle with wishing for it. And, to be honest, I've think I'm too old for young love now (maybe not in years, but in mind). Which, of course, does not make me bitter in the least.

And in A Severe Mercy, Davy's death was a mercy for Van because it woke him up to the true glory of God. A severe mercy, but a mercy nonetheless.

Distractions? I may follow your lead. They just kill me. And my lack of self control kills me even more. I mean, look at the time. I'm supposed to be doing AP psych right now. Not commenting on your blog. AH! Okay, right after I'm done with this I am going to do NOTHING ELSE but school.

Thanks for the inspiration :).

Micah E. said...

I thought about posting an obnoxious comment without even reading the post. It would have read: "Ernest Hemingway."

Then I read the post, and I became so confused that I didn't even feel like being obnoxious anymore.

I have also almost bought a pair of Chucks multiple times, but I refrain from doing so because I haven't completely beaten the crap out of my other shoes. Every time I wear them, though, I work hard at beating the crap out of them. Literally, I walk where the ground has the most destructive effects. Something is wrong with me.

I think I stopped reading books after I got my computer. I used to read all the time, I didn't have anything else to do when I was procrastinating. I think the quality of my procrastination has gone down, now that I have a comp.

I'm scared of facebook.

I feel like blogger should have some sort of "video response" feature, except that it would be a "blog-post response" because I think I'm not really commenting on your blog anymore... I'm just typing whatever it is that I think immediately after reading your post. There's a difference.

Is there a difference between "nobody's perfect" and "everybody's imperfect"?

Micah E. said...

I just realized that I use personal pronouns way too much. Everything I just wrote was about me, it had nothing to do with your post. That's so selfish of me. I'm sorry about that.

Art said...

When I was in NYC, I saw someone with maroon-colored chucks, and I thought they looked lovely. So, good choice.

Hayley.... I understand your desire to not waste time. I just am going to severely miss you if you never go on Gchat again, not to mention the fact that I already miss you a lot. =/

I feel lazy now.

I love the rushed optimism of this post. Being busy, and knowing what you should be doing, is refreshing.

Micah, if you don't mind if I think "out-loud" a little bit... Maybe your comment didn't really relate, but why does it have to? I felt a little like I was eavesdropping on a personal email to Hayley, but I think that's because you were being real. Maybe I'm just being selfish, too? Is it still selfish if Hayley doesn't mind? I don't know.

...I miss you, Micah.

Hayley said...

"I've think I'm too old for young love now (maybe not in years, but in mind). Which, of course, does not make me bitter in the least." Hah, is that sarcasm? I think, so long as we don't get too jaded and too cynical, our minds are the only part of us that stay young. Our mind is able to experience old things in a new way, continually. That why I've never been enamored with the idea of "young love," I guess, not because just I don't think it's sensible, but because I'd like to think age is irrelevant to love. I've seen old people has giddy in love as young people.

I need to make time to read A Severe Mercy, I think. Somehow.

Get this - Hemingway wrote a lot of stream of consciousness, and, I was in contempt of myself while I wrote this post, because it irritatingly stream of consciousness, and now you're commenting in stream of consciousness, it's making me a little happier. :smile: [I still hate Old Man in the Sea. It's still the reason I refuse to read any other Hemingway.]

"I think I stopped reading books after I got my computer." I-- That's when I stopped reading books. I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself now.

"I feel like blogger should have some sort of "video response" feature," Facebook has a feature like that, ftr. . . .

"Is there a difference between "nobody's perfect" and "everybody's imperfect"?" No. One's a positive statement, and one's a negative statement, so grammatically/structurally they're different, but in meaning they're the same.

"Being busy, and knowing what you should be doing, is refreshing." No! It's an awful feeling. It's a feeling that's convicting, and tells you how you've messed up! [Or, you're a J. :P]

Kaitlyn said...

I identify with this post.

(That feels like a rather shallow, simple response. I suppose it is. I truly want to be strong enough to join you in the challenge of seizing every moment; I just don't know if I am...)

Regardless, thanks for the food for thought, Hayley.

Hayley said...

Oh Kaitlyn. I am very afraid no one is strong enough to meet the challenge of seizing every moment, but I'm more afraid of what'll happen if I don't try at all. [Laziness feels like a constant companion sometimes.]

Peter said...

Good post - even if you did incorrectly call the shoes tennis shoes. I like the steam of conciseness writing style.

Letting go of things has always been super hard for me to deal with. I always find it hard to balance the "preserve and protect so it will last forever and look good" side of me with the "it's just a thing...ppl are more important."