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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

A blank slate

Every day I grow more and more stressed out. The semester is approaching nearly half over and yet I still don't know what to do with my summer. There are too many options, and none are particularly viable. I should probably get a job, pinch those pennies, but I'm filled with anxiety of the prospect of finding a job.

I know this summer can't be the same as past ones have been. No Nationals, no VBS, no youth group trips, and no traveling. No staying up all night in Hannah's backyard? Scholarship contests, yes. Summer classes, possibly. Time with my family, of course. But lazy weeks of nothingness? I wouldn't want them even if I could have them.

College has helped me get in touch with my type-A, super-J side. I'm certain my friends here must think I'm anal-retentive. I go to bed early, my room is immaculate, and I rarely stray from my schedule. I eat the same thing every day at the same time every day. I can be found in the same places every day, and part of my routine is leaving for school early so I can get the best parking spot. And yet, the minute I walk in the door of my house, the dresser is piled high and my clothes are unwashed and my papers are unorganized . . . I'm developing a split personality.

That is to say, I don't want to spend my days doing nothing. It's one of the things I've come to adore about college, or maybe just this age in general. There are so many things to be done, people to see, so much to stay busy with! I like that. The sense of purpose and occupation and movement.

What?! Wait. I just saw a hipster walk by! Yes! Oh man, and another kid just walked by holding an honest to goodness lunch box. Where do these people hide during the rest of the week?! I really can't get any work done, sitting here by the window, watching people walk by. But it's my favorite thing . . .

So I wonder, what does my summer hold? Internship? Employment? Missions trip? It doesn't even matter to me at this point, so long as I find something. And so I can only trust in Him who has given me all I have . . .

1 comment:

Michael said...

Here's what I would want to do in your place:

Organize your own curriculum of books to read. Books you want to read, books you should read. Good meaty philosophy and lit. Set small goals, have yourself write some chapter summaries to make sure you're not mindlessly reading them but actually internalizing them a little bit. That's just what I'd do.

Also, you should visit me, or meet up with me at the museum of fine arts so I can show you my favorite paintings from the "modern" gallery, and so we can look at the new abstract art in the america's wing. (I'm not just saything this, I am dead serious.)