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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Just being honest doesn't make it right

I am sad. My Intervarsity group went to New Orleans on a service trip to help rebuild after Katrina. I was supposed to go with them, but at the time I didn't have the money. And they came back today. And I'll see them all tomorrow when we all go back to school, and I'll hear all about the things that God did in and through them. And I'll hear more stories and see more pictures, and be happy for them, and sad for myself.

What did I do over spring break? I was an epic fail at work. I can't think about it, it makes me sick. A different heartache to express at a different time. What else did I do? I played house with my siblings, when they could have been staying with my grandparents, witnessing to them. It was a week of small nothings. I spent my spring break watching TV. Instead of going to New Orleans with my Intervarsity group.

Was it a mistake? Was I supposed to go? Did I step out of God's plan?

I don't know. All I know is I'm really sad. And I wanted to tell someone, and I didn't know who to tell. So here I am.

[What does that say about you, and me, and this?]

5 comments:

Michael said...

I'm sorry, Hayley. That feeling is dreadful. Perhaps you were wrong, perhaps you weren't. I don't now.

But . . . I am trying to express my sympathy. *nod*

Anonymous said...

if God wanted you there, i'm pretty sure you would have been there. God's plans are so much better than ours

L.E. Fiore said...

You can't step out God's plan, Hayley. :-) But you can make bad choices and experience consequences. Who can say what *would* have happened. But I know the feeling- uneasy regret. And I can assure you that God had his purposes IN the CHOICE *you* made. Maybe it was to spur you to different choices in the future. Maybe your siblings needed to see your pretty face. Who knows. He does. ;-) :-)

Hayley said...

I wonder if it's wrong to theorize as to His purpose behind it all - can't say I haven't been. But thanks guys, I feel so much the better in the articulation. :)

Anonymous said...

Hayley,

God leads by giving and by withholding. If He wanted you there it would be nothing for Him to provide the finances for you to go.
As for the small things that make up so much of our lives . . .
sometimes I think it's easier to endure the big trials than to be faithful in the mundane little tasks we are called to perform. That is the challenge - this day I will live each moment of my ordinary life before the face of God.
There is sadness . . . and there is hope